A dog goes to the Job Centre

Submitted by TheRealSlabsy t3_yqajb0 in Jokes

A dog goes to the job centre and asked for assistance in finding employment.

The employee at the Job Centre says "Bloody hell! A talking dog! You should get a job at the circus!"

The dog replies "Why's that? Are they after a plumber?"

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Stabilepolypody32 t1_ivnj5s2 wrote

A man walks into a bar with his dog.

‟This is a talking dog.If this dog can answer my questions, who’ll buy me a drink?” he asks.

‟You can have one on the house,” the bartender says.

The man turns to his dog.‟What goes on the top of a house?”

Dog: Roof.

Man: ‟What does tree bark feel like?”

Dog: Rough.

Man: ‟Who is the greatest baseball player ever?”

Dog: Ruth.

The bartender is clearly annoyed and snaps at the man.‟That’s enough.You and your dog, get out.”

After the man and the dog are thrown out, the dog looks sadly at his owner.‟Should I have said DiMaggio?”

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orensachar t1_ivnim5z wrote

Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

‟Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?”

The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out ‟352!”

He’s stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.

‟I’ll take this one,” she says proudly. ‟It is the cutest!”

‟Hey lady,” says the shepherd, ‟If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?”

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curiouscabbage69 t1_ivnmcav wrote

How did she guess the number correctly?

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scorpioen13 t1_ivntgsv wrote

She counted, but if she thought the dog was a sheep she should be one off.

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curiouscabbage69 t1_ivnwpns wrote

It didn't say she counted, it said she guessed and blurted. And if she got it wrong, why did the shepherd say she got it right?

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scorpioen13 t1_ivnx33s wrote

It doesn't say she guessed. It says she says that she is guessing and she could be lying.

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curiouscabbage69 t1_ivnxx84 wrote

That's true, but then the shepherd is pretty dumb to allow someone an easily manipulated where there is no pay off to them, and they got the wrong answer anyway.

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GodzeallA t1_ivp99cj wrote

Counting that high for a blonde doesn't seem likely. I'm guessing she guessed.

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