Vladimir Putin loses his favorite watch

Submitted by nostopthoughts t3_zzw5zb in Jokes

He calls in his most trusted officers and tells them to stop at no expense to root out the thief and his accomplishes.

Three days later he asks for a report.

The head officer says, "We've made progress. Twelve accomplishes, after sufficient torture, have admitted their involvement and been executed. However, sir we have not found the thief."

Putin became enraged and said, "You lazy men! You call that progress? Only twelve men. Go back out and seek for more accomplishes and conspirators! There has to be at least 100 more!"

Puzzled the officer asks, "Sir, what about finding the thief?"

A sly smile comes to the edge of Putin's mouth and he partly laughs, "Oh you will not find one, I found the watch in my coat pocket two days ago."

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nnn_rrr t1_j2ez74s wrote

Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.

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mdjdiso t1_j2fit9l wrote

Ha ha. This is better than the Putin joke.

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PurpleIncarnate t1_j2dxicf wrote

Accomplices- a guilty party

Accomplishes- completes a task.

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sittinginaboat t1_j2dzviw wrote

Ya just can't trust spell check.

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Brewtality76 t1_j2eknly wrote

Dear Autocorrect,

I have never meant to type the word duck. Please get your ship together.

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Kjata2 t1_j2fw6lp wrote

After using fuck and fucking so much, I once tried to type ducking and had it autocorrected.

It happened again typing this out.

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fre2b t1_j2fub14 wrote

Ahhh now I get why the jokes not funny

0

nnn_rrr t1_j2eywjt wrote

The KGB, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at catching criminals.

The Secretary General of the UN decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is screaming: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

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Raket0st t1_j2fsnjb wrote

This is an old Stalin joke, isn't it?

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BrAkE_FlyER t1_j2dw4ay wrote

Switch Putin with Zelensky - and see how you laugh it now.

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nostopthoughts OP t1_j2dw9k2 wrote

I didn't say I favor Zelensky, do you favor Putin?

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BrAkE_FlyER t1_j2dxa0e wrote

Not really, he's from same governing class as Zelensky - financial capital governing class. The only difference is one country already had her own citizens burned by another citizens of this same country and another had not. Yet...

−60

datageek9 t1_j2e56u1 wrote

The Odessa clashes of 2014 were terrible, but committed by citizens, not the Ukrainian government. If you believe that the 1000s of atrocities committed by Russian soldiers under Putin’s orders this year are justified then you will find no friends here, just bad karma.

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BrAkE_FlyER t1_j2ee4mx wrote

> The Odessa clashes of 2014 were terrible, but committed by citizens, not the Ukrainian government.

If the government let that happened - I have only one answer: FUCK that government.

If the government never punished that crime - I have only one answer: FUCK that government!

If the government proceed to drown in blood everyone who is sick of this shit literally inspiring to do exact same thing all over again I have only one answer: FUCK THAT GOVERNMENT!!!

And if you believe that government after all that said and done - I don't think that liars, hypocrites and holier-than-thou may be possibly considered as a friend.

Rot front.

−27

BrAkE_FlyER t1_j2e187f wrote

To all redditors who think that your negative karma might be useful.

What's wrong? Scared?

−14

ta_thewholeman t1_j2e7r59 wrote

No, everyone just thinks you're a moron.

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BrAkE_FlyER t1_j2ebskd wrote

Right back at ya. Next.

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Affectionate_Guava87 t1_j2elrxu wrote

I also think you're a moron. I'll step aside for the next one.

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BrAkE_FlyER t1_j2emavj wrote

Don't bother to elaborate, do you?

Anyway there is only one term to the people who can't prove his own words. It's called "deep shit".

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Responsible_Sport575 t1_j2es1kl wrote

Ummm... This is r/jokes..... Does this one have a punchline or is it just something for another sub?

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BrAkE_FlyER t1_j2etbis wrote

Finally some appropriate reaction. Sadly, you're right - all those up there don't belong here and actually I should apologise for provoking all this mess. Yet is actually funny to see how some redditors just choke up on "freedom of speech" concept.

1

toastbutbutter t1_j2f4b9b wrote

Just digging a deeper hole for yourself buddy

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BrAkE_FlyER t1_j2f7c50 wrote

Have a luxury of that so I'm not bothered. Much. =) Partly because I like to annoy people who deserved that.

Happy holidays anyway.

0