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hatersaurusrex t1_j28ijdd wrote

Are you friendly? Are you interested in other people?

LPT: If not, don't waste your time by faking it.

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Constant-Cap-22 t1_j28jc9k wrote

I second this. I use to waste my time trying to engage more often with people. It would drain me mentally. Now I just engage when I want, and I’ve never been happier in my life. So what if I seem like an asshole, atleast I’m a happy one

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dirigiberbil OP t1_j28o9tj wrote

I do consider myself friendly but recently I've been told I come off as cold which was a huge surprise to me. I don't want to be fake but I don't want to stay like this.

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No-Temperature-8772 t1_j28tymh wrote

Definitely ask the person who told you this to go into detail. Ask what habits or incidents have given that impression and work on it. It's one thing to act friendly, but people will always perceive what's really going on. I know someone who is very polite but also acts condescending at the worst times. It cancels out good manners in the long run.

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wantAdvice13 t1_j29ym1f wrote

That’s a great way to be interested in other people. If they told you something you don't understand, ask nicely why, then the conversation starts flowing.

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bufftbone t1_j28iqg8 wrote

Listen to them and don’t turn every conversation into something about you.

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IrishJesusDude t1_j28iofa wrote

I'm the last person to be giving advise on this, but someone said before to repeat the last part of the sentence the other person just said and I realised that a friend of my does this and he does have great social skills. It's meant to confirm that to the other person that you were listening and taking in what they were talking about, there is probably a bit of skill involved in what to repeat otherwise it could come off as condescending or dismissive

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SonOfTed t1_j28l84n wrote

Be an active listener. Ask questions, find a topic they are interested in, then listen intently, paraphrase them, and ask more questions in a genuine attempt to understand them, understand why they care about the topic, and to gain a better understanding of the topic yourself. Resist the urge to make the conversation about yourself or share your own examples/stories. If they're not an entirely self-centered person they will naturally show an interest in you in response to you acting this way.

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Composer-Right t1_j296ahk wrote

+1 to this. Expanding a bit... Something that helps become a more active listener is to use your imagination to create a "scene" from the story that others are sharing with you. This will keep your brain more focused on the story while also create opportunities for legitimate follow up (by trying to fill details on the scene you are creating).

A second trick is to stop a natural impulse to reply with YOUR Own story and, instead, ask a few questions to get more details.

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desertgal2002 t1_j28k4if wrote

To actually be friendly and interested in other people.

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dirigiberbil OP t1_j28oi2k wrote

I thought I was lol

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desertgal2002 t1_j28t7qd wrote

Always remember that what you may perceive as friendly and interested is not always what others perceive as friendly and interested. It’s impossible to please everyone all of the time. Just give it your best shot. 😉

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runtowardsit t1_j28l4hk wrote

Ask good questions and genuinely care what they say

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walkeroflonelyroads t1_j28lihu wrote

Body language. Turn towards them, don't cross your arms, look at them in the eye, have a firm and confident smile.

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Depressed-Head766 t1_j28xux0 wrote

Look into their eyes, nod smile and react accordingly to what they're saying.

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lvftball t1_j2cpzxe wrote

Honestly, treat everyone as if they’re a friend you’ve known for a long time.

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keepthetips t1_j28ic4c wrote

Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!

Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.

If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.

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JuliusS__ t1_j28jzrh wrote

Think of them as people.

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Tash11e t1_j28o80a wrote

I have found (at work at least) a good starting point can be to compliment people. If you notice something different (hair done differently, interesting jewellery, nice jumper, etc.), comment on it. Whether you like it or not is essentially beside the point; if it's different, interesting, or you haven't seen it before, tell them you like it or its interesting

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suspended_in_life t1_j28tnot wrote

Check out the book "how to win friends and influence people"

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kdaug t1_j29jdj6 wrote

Quit caring what other people think. It's the only way to become the real you. Then friends will find you randomly. It's weird, but that's the way it works

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wantAdvice13 t1_j29yvdo wrote

When people give you opinion, ask nicely why they think so? Find out their perspective.

(Honestly, most people only care about themselves, they don’t need to hear your opinion, only rarely)

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gentrifiedSF t1_j2c3mzx wrote

+1 to How to Win Friends and Influence people.

Also look up mirroring tactics. Chris Voss was an FBI hostage negotiator and he has has a really helpful Masterclass on negotiation and his section on mirroring was fascinating. It is simply a way to repeat back the last few words the person you’re talking to you said.

“Do you have a few minutes to chat?” “Few minutes to chat?”

Neurally it links you to that person and it makes you seem very engaged with them, they feel heard. It seems like it would be annoying but it totally works.

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