"We're sorry, all our customer support agents are currently assisting other customers. The current wait time is FORTY. FIVE. MIN-"

Azazel roared and threw the infernal device onto the ground. Fifteen times! That was the fifteenth time he'd been disconnected and forced to wait for another agent! He slammed his cloven foot down with such rage that the phone smashed through the flimsy vinyl flooring and became embedded in the concrete subfloor below, and he stormed off to find his summoner.

"HUMAN. WHAT IS THIS ACCURSED COM-CAST? IS IT ANOTHER HELLISH REALM?"

The human in question was in the middle of a "video game" that quite intrigued Azazel, though he'd never admit it.

"Yo one sec Mr. Zel, I'm fighting Malenia again."

Azazel roared with annoyance and stomped around a bit, but it was mostly for show and his eyes were glued on the screen the whole time. The human (he remembered his name was Tim or Tom or something like that, Timtom?) threw the controller to the ground and grumbled something about "fucking bullshit oh pee waterfowl dance" and finally turned his attention to the demon. "No luck, huh?"

"NO. I DID NOT UNDERSTAND WHY A MORTAL WOULD SELL A SOUL FOR SUCH A SIMPLE TASK, BUT I DO NOW."

"Mannnn I was really hoping you'd figure it out cause we've been without internet for like, three days now?"

"I APOLOGIZE FOR FAILING THIS TASK. I WILL UNFORTUNATELY NOT CONSUME YOUR SOUL. ^ALSOIMAYHAVEBROKENYOURDEVICE."

Timtom cupped a hand around his ear. "Woah, 'scuze me Mr. Zel but did I hear that right? You broke my phone?"

"...YES."

"So you owe me."

"...YES."

"Broooo."

"I APOLOGIZE. I LOST MY TEMPER. I WILL SPEAK TO MY THERAPIST ABOUT THIS INCIDENT."

"Oh good for you man! Glad the devil has mental health resources for y'all. But you still broke my shit." Timtom rose from the couch and stood before Azazel, his hand stretched out. "Let's make a deal." Azazel eyed the hand nervously. His last deal with this human nearly had him in tears, but he still had to perform a task for Timtom before he could retreat to hell (and make an emergency appointment with his therapist).

"TERMS, HUMAN. AND I WILL NOT DEAL WITH THIS COM-CAST AGAIN."

"Oh no, nothing like that bro! I wouldn't do that to anyone, Mr. Zel. Anyway, terms! One: new iPhone since you broke my old one. And make it an iPhone 14 Pro Max."

"AGREEABLE."

"Two: you'll beat Malenia for me." Timtom pointed a thumb back at the TV. "None of the other guys in the house have beaten her yet and I wanna be the first. And in exchange," Timtom leaned closer. Azazel leaned away. "I'll tell you how Comcast works. And you can set up a new torture chamber in hell. I hear your annual performance review is coming soon."

Azazel perked up. Devilish secrets like Com-cast didn't come cheap or easy, and all Timtom was asking him to do was beat something in his video game? His clawed hand met Timtom's. Demonic magic swirled from below and settled into their clasped hands, illuminating them both with a hellish glow. And Azazel saw, in that moment, the flames of hell in his eyes, Timtom looked more like a devil than Lucifer himself. But the moment passed, the magic settled, and both their hands fell to their sides.

Timtom flopped back on the couch and held a controller out to the demon. The grin he gave Azazel had him wanting to flee in terror. "C'mon Mr. Zel! I promise it won't be as bad as Comcast." Azazel glanced at the controller, at Tom, and at the screen depicting a character standing by a serene fire of some sort. Swallowing the feeling that he'd made another contract not at all in his favor, he reached out and took the controller into his hands.

It was in the bag! Sell the soul for help with customer support. But after five reboots, ten phone calls, eight of them ending in disconnects, and two ending in a “please email us the photo of your routers serial number”. IF THEY HAD INTERNET THEY WOULD BE ABLE TO!!!

Customer support had been a brilliant idea to get souls. Frustrate people so they either yell at the people around them, or agree to sell their souls directly for help dealing with it. But somewhere the system evolved. It wasn’t letting me get anywhere to solve the darn problem. And being 3500 years old technology doesn’t just come easy for me. I am starting to miss the days you could hit it with a stick. To be fair, that worked with people too.

Back in bell I pull out some books. Maybe I’ll be able to figure out how the system broke. Looking through Comcast’s names I see one. Adimus. That angel went and made it more complex? I can see why the demon console approved it. I decide to call in a favor and call him up to ask why.

“Hello? This is Adimus”

“Yeah Adimus, this is Mirgroth, about ten years ago you put in a suggestion to make the customer support system more complex. I want to call in my favor from three hundred years ago to ask why?”

“Oh, i almost forgot I did that! Did it get implemented finally?”

“Yeah. You know how hell works. Bureaucracy all the way. Takes ages to make any changes at all.”

“Great! Now to return your favor, I put in that suggestion because I figured that one something got complex and frustrating enough that humans being weird would commiserate with each other and maybe save some souls.”

“Well congratulations. It’s working!” I slam the receiver down. What a ploy and we fell for it hook line and sinker.

Welcome to the Prompt! All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.

Reminders:

>* No AI-generated reponses 🤖 >* Stories 100 words+. Poems 30+ but include "[Poem]" >* Responses don't have to fulfill every detail >* [RF] and [SP] for stricter titles >* Be civil in any feedback and follow the rules

🆕 New Here? ✏ Writing Help? 📢 News 💬 Discord

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

It was in the bag! Sell the soul for help with customer support. But after five reboots, ten phone calls, eight of them ending in disconnects, and two ending in a “please email us the photo of your routers serial number”. IF THEY HAD INTERNET THEY WOULD BE ABLE TO!!!

Customer support had been a brilliant idea to get souls. Frustrate people so they either yell at the people around them, or agree to sell their souls directly for help dealing with it. But somewhere the system evolved. It wasn’t letting me get anywhere to solve the darn problem. And being 3500 years old technology doesn’t just come easy for me. I am starting to miss the days you could hit it with a stick. To be fair, that worked with people too.

Back in bell I pull out some books. Maybe I’ll be able to figure out how the system broke. Looking through Comcast’s names I see one. Adimus. That angel went and made it more complex? I can see why the demon console approved it. I decide to call in a favor and call him up to ask why.

“Hello? This is Adimus”

“Yeah Adimus, this is Mirgroth, about ten years ago you put in a suggestion to make the customer support system more complex. I want to call in my favor from three hundred years ago to ask why?”

“Oh, i almost forgot I did that! Did it get implemented finally?”

“Yeah. You know how hell works. Bureaucracy all the way. Takes ages to make any changes at all.”

“Great! Now to return your favor, I put in that suggestion because I figured that one something got complex and frustrating enough that humans being weird would commiserate with each other and maybe save some souls.”

“Well congratulations. It’s working!” I slam the receiver down. What a ploy and we fell for it hook line and sinker.