My(25F) boyfriend(36M) doesn't find me attractive.

Submitted by anonymouswoman906 t3_11djid0 in relationship_advice

We've been officially together since mid October. We've only had sex 3 times, all in October. The first time- he pursued it. The other 2 times I pursued it. Nothing since. We've talked about it and he's stated that he just doesn't feel that way, he doesn't feel the need to pursue sexual relations. Which is fine, I felt like I could handle that. He is divorced, but its been a few years and we discussed it at length. He has assured me that its behind him and I believe that. He doesn't pursue me in anyway except to kiss me here and there. He does releave himself semi-regularly. I felt like maybe that was due to a spur of the moment like of thing? Recently, I followed him on Instagram and noticed he only follows 9 people. I clicked on it to see if I was one of them and to my surprise, I found something else. He follows 3 very bimbo type gamer girls. For reference, I'm a curvy lady. I'm not overly fat or particularly ugly. But I'm not conventionally celebrity hot or look anything like these Instagram E girls. I thought it might have been a cosplay thing but every photo was just triangles, straps, baby doll faces, and fake boobs. Kind of tacky if I'm honest. My ego is bruised. Its one thing to not feel the need to purpuse sexual relations. I don't care if my significant other watched pornography or likes this kind of content. But to be into this and not into me- makes me question if he's even attracted to me. Part of me feels like hes settling so he doesn't have to be alone. I've been ignoring this gut feeling about this, thinking that maybe I'm just being an asshole. But I don't know anymore. Anytime I think about this, I feel physically sick.

TLDR: My boyfriend has told me and assured me that he doesn't do sexual relations. However, recently I discovered that he follows E gamer girls that are very revealing. I feel like he doesn't find me attractive but is settling out of loneliness.

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Machopsdontcry t1_ja8yxmu wrote

There's an 11 year age gap, find someone much closer to your age and that will remove a lot of the insecurity

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anonymouswoman906 OP t1_ja9b335 wrote

I've never been insecure in relationships for the record. Mostly due to my upbringing. And I've dated older men before. And it's not that. But I appreciate your input.

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nightowl2023 t1_ja8zvu6 wrote

This literally has nothing to do with what she is asking advice for. And it's inherently a untrue statement. Someone being 11 years younger does not absolve them from having problems like this.

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Pale_Height_1251 t1_jaadzxq wrote

This relationship basically failed to launch. You've been together a few months and barely bothered to have sex.

Maybe you're just not that into each other.

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SordidOrchid t1_ja9n49b wrote

Culture can warp what we find attractive. On a primal level 100 lb women wouldn’t be the best candidate for reproduction. Gamer culture tends to have a filtered (caricature) version of women. I find men that are attracted to healthy women (that don’t try to look like minors) more masculine. This isn’t a shot at small women but at men who want women more diminutive to seem more masculine by contrast. There’s an inverse of this with women who want a 6’6 version of Thor to feel more feminine by contrast. Guys shouldn’t bother with women who play into the height/Thor mentality and women shouldn’t bother with guys who want a babydoll. Let them have each other. Again not a shot at little women or big men but at those who fetishize it. Also, I wouldn’t be turned on by a guy who wasn’t turned on by me. Find someone else. Mutual attraction is what makes sex hot. Otherwise you’re just masturbating with each other’s bodies.

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anonymouswoman906 OP t1_jaciz5o wrote

I kind of see where your getting at- this is actually helpful. He is a shorter guy and he has expressed being insecure about his height. Thank you.

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SherrKhan32 t1_jabc2vt wrote

Break up with him and find a better boyfriend who wants you in the ways you WANT to be desired and loved.

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naja_naja_naja t1_jac3xhe wrote

Seens like he might also have a low libido in general.

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anonymouswoman906 OP t1_jacimid wrote

I assumed this was the case initially. At first, I really liked it- in past relationships I felt like I had to constantly say no to sexual relations with past partners. My libido is on the lower side but not absent. I think this could be a part of it.

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nightowl2023 t1_ja907xa wrote

From what I'm reading I think that the two of you might benefit from some type of couples counseling book. I hate to insert stereotypes but it's very atypical for a male to not be attracted to a woman if he is straight. Regardless of what that woman looks like.... And with you being curvy as you have described yourself it's even harder to believe that you would not be attracted to you.

That's why I'm suggesting maybe there's something that needs to be communicated between the two of you that is not being communicated. For example, he could have some trauma, secret, fear, something has to be causing this mindset.

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Dakota110899 t1_ja93cu8 wrote

Tbh if they need some counseling or book 6 months into their relationship, you might as well just scrap it altogether.

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