(23M) (25F) How can I fix things with my girlfriend after I messed up?

Submitted by Away-Income-1540 t3_zz5x36 in relationship_advice

I 23 Male fucked up my relationship with my 25 Female GF and need help fixing it

People of Reddit I need some advice on fixing my relationship I 23M have been with my girlfriend 25F have been together for over a year. This is the first ever true relationship I’ve ever had ones before in the past have only lasted weeks. I attended a university at the beginning of the fall and finished at the beginning of December during the time of school I met a classmate, I had no intention of taking things any further because of my GF neither did my classmate we would text to exchange notes or just talk as friends and BS about class. Not wanting my GF to trip out about it I silenced classmates notifications to keep my GF from tripping out over classmate at the same time her mom is dieing she was in the hospital at the time, well my classmate texts me and ask what my schedule is next semester, I tell her I’m not going back till next fall classmate then proceeds to ask if I can see her next semester I said maybe I can try but can’t guarantee, really had no intentions of seeing her or even talking to her after the semester ends. Anyways my girlfriend looked at my phone saw the messages and then assumed I cheated I’ve told her up and down I never cheated I would always text her when I was at school,leaving school etc. she even had my location but she still thinks I cheated. I love her so much and we are still together but she’s not the same there’s no intimacy and we haven’t had sex in over a month I miss the intimacy and everything my GF gave me she’s honestly the best thing to happen to me, I just don’t know what to do I wanna fix it cause I truly believe she’s the love of my life

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Glittering_Ebb9748 t1_j29muqt wrote

You hid a relationship with another woman from your girlfriend. This is a betrayal of trust. Unless you realize that you were in the wrong to have done this, and are truly remorseful she will probably never be able to trust you again. If this really is the love of your life it's time to man up and admit that what you did was wrong, then all you can do is hope that she'll forgive you.

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Away-Income-1540 OP t1_j29nd3e wrote

I have I’ve told her I screwed up and that I wouldn’t do anything like this again she seemed to have forgiven me at first but just recently in a fight she brought it up again

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Away-Income-1540 OP t1_j29n9z6 wrote

I have I’ve told her I screwed up and that I wouldn’t do anything like this again she seemed to have forgiven me at first but just recently in a fight she brought it up again

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Glittering_Ebb9748 t1_j29q7ca wrote

You can't just tell her that you won't do it again, you have to be able to prove it over the long haul. She may or may not be able to forgive you and move on, but it's not going to happen overnight.

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Away-Income-1540 OP t1_j29wbyv wrote

I have lately I’ve been keeping myself on a tight leash I’ve kept my phone out a lot more been telling her who I text and just been more of a trustworthy person like I’m doing my best to get on her good graces and I know it’s not gonna happen over night but I’m just hoping I didn’t screw up to much I know I fucked up hard real hard

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Away-Income-1540 OP t1_j29wfmw wrote

At the same time to if she really is done with me I just wonder why she hasn’t left me 😪

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Glittering_Ebb9748 t1_j2avnwf wrote

Hopefully she won't leave you, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that she will if you break her trust again. I wish you luck my friend.

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Away-Income-1540 OP t1_j2avxgn wrote

Most definitely I’m holding myself very accountable for this situation and won’t break the trust again I simply won’t do it. Thank you my friend ‘‘twas a pleasure and thank you for everything

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AffectionateWheel386 t1_j29n8qz wrote

I would come completely clean to both her, and the other girl. Your avoidance of pushing the other girl completely away, is like leaving the back door open. It would read that way to your girlfriend who saw the messages also. They call those EAs or emotional affairs. I believe you never meant to cheat, and physically you did not. The more you come clean to her and see her point of view the more chance you have. The problem with dating is nobody is fully vested in the relationship. It may be hard to fix after this.

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doubting_is_knowing t1_j29q7dv wrote

You cannot come back from breaking the trust, just let bygones be bygones and learn from your mistake for your next relationship.

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Charming-Ad-2381 t1_j29nkob wrote

I don't see this as you messing up. You know those were non-sexual non-emotional messages from someone from the opposite gender and no matter how you explain to your GF that this is just a classmate you know her insecurity would have gone ape. She has unfortunately trained you to keep certain things away from her because she doesn't know how to handle her insecurities.

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