I can't speak for the state government but I'd like to ask if your in predominantly women led environment like teaching or social work or nursing where women out number men by a significant margin? Can you switch to a more even gendered office or a career that is predominantly male?

When I worked in Seattle, my boss and the majority of my coworkers were women, and I had zero issues. but once I moved to Virginia, it was like I went from being seen as an ally to being seen as the enemy.

All these sexist beliefs are just accepted across the board in the work environment. Like when I made a comment about why are only the men in the office being tasked with moving boxes, a lot of folks in the office were taken aback like I was asking why the sky was blue.

I just want to work in a job environment that treats people as whole people and doesn't discriminate against others based on perceived differences.

Do you experience any sexism beyond being asked to move boxes? Because that is the only example you're giving and I honestly don't see the big deal if that's it.

My boss wrote me up when I asked for a written process for accountability. My first project on the job went through 27 revisions, was highly inefficient, and went in circles, wasting a lot of time and taxpayer money. When I mentioned that we needed to be held accountable for a process, she wrote me up, stating I was disgruntled and trying to control outside my role. When I tried to explain my situation to HR and my boss, I was told the " happy wife, happy life" comment.

I have won equity and inclusion awards for my work. My work has won awards for its diversity, equity, and inclusion. I even had a plaque for passing the equity and inclusion course within the top 5% of the 600-person class.

But none of that seems to matter here in Virginia. Most dont seem to see past gender and skin color here.

Yep. I don't know what department you're in, but I left the state largely because of sexist and homophobic attitudes in the workplace. The state definitely has a lot of "traditional" mindsets still kicking around. Wish I could give advice beyond just leave, but that's what I did.

The Homophobia is real! I went to work last week with painted nails, and the comments I got for being a male with black nail polish were insane! Things from people assuming my sexual orientation to people just outright ignoring and ghosting. and the worst part is when its a whole year of probation they can easily find something they don't like to make your probation not go through.

You are 10000% right.

Do you think you were specifically targeted for being written up because you’re a man? Because if so, you should file a complaint with HR.

I worked at the Virginia State Police when I was in college part-time and those guys.....could not keep their hands to themselves. I can't believe I put up with it.

" But none of that seems to matter here in Virginia. Most don't seem to see past gender and skin color here." < That sounds about right around here. Men are still expected to do the heavy lifting not JUST because we're men but also because it's expected because of tradition. Remember the modern feminist wants all the benefits of the old traditions such as opening doors, doing the heavy lifting, doing the "gross" jobs etc but don't call them on it or else it's sexism.

In all honesty it sounds like you've already burned your bridges there and have a black mark so I'd think about looking for something else soon before annual reviews come around.

If you've got the cred that you say you do check out job postings for equity and inclusion officers or look in the Northern VA area for someone in need of your skill set.

Good luck.

“Remember the modern feminist wants all the benefits…”

Lol no we don’t. We don’t care.

That’s probably more of a cop culture problem than it is a state government problem.

I think the issue is power is seen as righteousness in state government and there is no accountability of the leadership to their employees. It's why I posted in the original comment about a fellow coworker that is female that was also facing sexism.

I think it's more a problem of leadership in state government not being reviewed often, or trained well enough. It's like the higher up you go in the Virginia state government the less accountable and more protected you are. That should not be the case

There is no such thing as a job satisfaction survey here or even a manager satisfaction survey. There is no way for a manager to get reviewed by the people they have power over. At least nowhere, I work in Virginia. To me, that shows a huge lack of accountability.

I don’t disagree about state government, as I also work for state government. However, what you’re describing sounds like a systemic problem having nothing to do with gender.

A little from column A, little from column B

I think the systemic problem opens the door for people in positions of power to judge, hire, and fire using gender as a preferred metric. When a leader is not held accountable then whatever "ism" that leader has is allowed to fester and grow. In my managers case, it's sexism, but it could be another ism depending on the leader.

It's bizarre I am getting downvoted for saying precisely what another person on here is getting upvoted from. It's almost like some of y'all can't see past my gender when judging this situation.

Yeah, I'm super duper straight passing, but even little things like gasp wearing multiple colors were cause for concern from my coworkers. My manager used painted nails in her reasoning for not hiring a guy that we interviewed. Also like someone upthread said about vsp, just TONS of normalized harassment.

>Remember the modern feminist wants all the benefits of the old traditions such as opening doors, doing the heavy lifting, doing the "gross" jobs etc but don't call them on it or else it's sexism.

I don't think you know any actual 'modern feminists', if you believe this. That statement comes right out of the misogynist playbook.

I think it depends on your agency, your division and your manager. I move all sorts of heavy things in the office, put furniture together, pull out my pocket knife, etc. I have asked men in the office to do stuff for me, but to be honest, it's because I usually wear dresses and they're wearing pants. If I had known that this task was coming up, I would have worn pants and done it myself. But my boss doesn't see sex or race. He only cares if you're doing your job.

The job numbers speak for themselves. Women are clamoring for the upper level higher paying jobs and demanding all kinds of equal access but look at the dangerous jobs like sewage inspectors, truck drivers, most of the trades like carpenter, electrician etc and you don't see laws being passed to make sure they have access to those.

Lets take a look at the IT industry, women are being channeled into those careers thanks to clubs like Girls who Code and other well meaning education initiatives but the highest turn over rate and job dissatisfaction are from the women in those industry's because they don't find the work fulfilling. Sure they CAN do them and do them well but they don't like them and so they leave. Jobs are being withheld from qualified male candidates to reserve them for women who wont be happy in them and wont stay.

This isn't sexism this is straight up numbers from the dept. of labor and other sources about why women leave the IT industry after so much work has been spent to try and retain them.

Hmmm I’m curious as to what agency you work for. My mom has worked for the State for 7 years. The agency she recently left was a shitshow. The new agency she started at is a complete 180.

That gives hope. I have a few former coworkers that jumped to other departments, and they love it too. I have heard from a few folks that the department of Environmental Quality is heaven on earth if you can get a job there.

Your manager sounds awesome.

Agree that it's agency to agency. If I ever come back to the state DEQ's on my short list for sure.

She switched to a similar agency- Conservation & Recreation. Seems like people who love the land are decent folks!

This sub is weird that way. I got heavily downvoted for pointing out first amendment rights, before so...

Virginia has a lot of the old south still attached. Mandatory chivalry is part of that if you're working with any kind of older demographic. You're a man. Why wouldn't you help the little ole office ladies?

If it bothers you, document document document. Then go to HR.