TIFU by going through my boyfriends phone

Submitted by [deleted] t3_121fkqe in tifu

Obligatory did not happen today. This happened 8 months ago. Also just wanted to note that we are no longer together, i just wanted to share this because I can now laugh about it.

So let me just say that I know that going through your partners phone is wrong and that you should always trust your SO. I know that this was the first fuck up.

So it’s probably about 12 AM and my boyfriend had fallen asleep. I was on my phone originally until I saw his and got this really bad gut feeling like something was wrong. Now I will say I’m not the most secure person and that I do have a lot of anxiety due to past relationships but honestly this wasn’t just plain anxiety it’s like my intuition was trying to tell me something.

I decided to look through his twitter account just because I knew he had a secret account that he briefly mentioned to me when we first started dating. He never let me see it. I didn’t even know the name. Honestly I was just looking through the tweets which were him venting and that was all. His timeline was no different just random accounts nothing suspicious. At this point I start scolding myself for doing that because there was nothing. Honestly felt disappointed in myself. I was going to tell him what I had done and own up to it because of how guilty I felt. Then I remembered the search feature. I felt like I wasn’t going to find anything anymore but looked anyways. Boy what I saw.

I see an account pop up and i didn’t understand at first until I realized. It was a fucking porn account. Like of a specific woman. This woman looks nothing like me. I could just tell from the profile picture I didn’t even want to click it I was so sick to my stomach. (Porn is one of the boundaries I set in my relationship early on. My boyfriend agreed with me. I don’t feel like getting too much into why as this isn’t truly that relevant just know it’s a boundary lol)

Anyways it wasn’t just that account…like he had searches of “blowjob” and other stuff I can’t really remember but I felt like crying and did. I had seen enough so I shut his phone off and I felt so much anger I woke him up and decided to confront him. He ended up crying hysterically so much so that I had to calm him down. He said he was sorry and that he doesn’t remember when he watched, but knew that it was not recent. That was really a lie because he had just gotten this new phone like 2 months prior. I never told him where I found it and I asked how he even knew what to look up because it was a specific persons account. He started saying, “you know the websites.” At this point i was so angry because that meant he did it several times on several platforms, I didn’t even know what to say.

So anyways i realized that he probably had been watching the whole relationship and lying about it.

TLDR; went through boyfriends twitter only to find he had been watching porn after we had agreed it is forbidden in our relationship.

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Muteent2 t1_jdlmdp5 wrote

Forbidding self pleasure in a relationship seems like a red flag from the start. I pray he's okay.

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Rosey991 t1_jdlrsvv wrote

He AGREED?

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Muteent2 t1_jdls2jg wrote

The words were "it is a boundary I set in my relationships". I wonder if it's the looking at other people or the masturbation part. Is it self conscious stuff abput worrying hes gonna compare women or possessive nonsense where she wants him to save himself for her?

Either way. Red flag.

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therealfatmike t1_jdlm282 wrote

Damn, you gave that guy some trauma for looking at porn, def a fuck up.

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cinnabobinna t1_jdlpgbw wrote

Damn I feel bad for him. As long as he isn’t cheating on you or talking to other women like that then how he decides to take care of himself when he’s alone should be his own private business and you violated that privacy. And tbh if you think watching porn is cheating then maybe you don’t need to be in a relationship.

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pogiguy2020 t1_jdlm9ld wrote

I hate to say this BUT you FU and violated your BFs trust in you as well. I guess you have no choice but to break up with him. Usually there is no way to rebuild trust especially when BOTH of you violated it.

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shellofbiomatter t1_jdlmgvm wrote

Why do people want to traumatize themselves so? My wife has gone through my reddit account (Hey, if you are reading this in the future) and I don't even use it for porn, just disturbing questioning.

So obviously she was distraught over seeing the questions here, but i have warned her specifically not to go through my reddit or chats with friends. Those are disturbing to normal humans or without any context.

So basically IMO if you walk to a minefield that's cut off with a fence and has signs warning about it. It's your own fault for stepping on one.

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TimDuncanCanDunk t1_jdlp31p wrote

Why is it even forbidden wtf you're definitely the asshole here and you definitely fucked up for going through his phone without any permission. I honestly don't think you're in the right state of mind rn for a relationship because of your trust issues.

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jsmiff573 t1_jdms44g wrote

Grow up... ..you sneak through his phone while he sleeps. That says everything

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idontcarerightnowok t1_jdm2kw1 wrote

bad for him to lie about it since you set boundaries, but truthfully i don't think "2 months" is recent. Anything that's under a month is recent imo.

I get why you don't want him to watch that, but at the same time, I don't think everyone who watches porn purely watches it wanting to do whatever act possible w the person they see in said video/imagine.

If he has needs and you two aren't doing anything together and he's chosen to watch whatever to get that out of his system, I think it's a better alternative rather than him going out and cheating w different people. you two need to talk this out some more clearly.

as for going thru his phone? idk why people care about that shit lol. if you don't have anything to hide then you should be fine w your significant other going through your phone whenever. I've always given my phone password and login details for a bunch of shit to my S.O while I'm dating them because I have nothing to hide or be private about.

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SethMalcolm1 t1_jdover2 wrote

Porn being a boundary is a HUGE red flag imo. Glad he's away from you now.

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Specialist-Farm-931 t1_jdnluh6 wrote

Lmao people have boundaries and clearly comments on this post can't understand that. I wouldn't like it either if my partner is doing that. But nooo reddit doesn't care because well it's reddit🤣🤣

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AvocadoMinute5954 t1_jdtmqwc wrote

Thats because its an immature boundary,only confirmed by their immature way of handling things and going through someones personal information. This persons mind age stayed at freshman level.

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Rosey991 t1_jdlrvjd wrote

First,

HES an Asshole for doing it despite agreeing ans Never bringing it up that he’s incompetent to hold on to what he agreed to.

Secondly,

YOU are the asshole for going through his phone. Next time ask.

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