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AnthillOmbudsman t1_j2nm90u wrote

Reply to comment by onewobblywheel in TIL that bots 🤖 drive ~40% of all internet traffic. by kkoolook

Speaking as someone who hasn't been in the dating pool for years, I'm constantly glad to not have to deal with dating these days. You have to compete with thousands of bots and swinging dicks clogging up the dating sites, and it's clearly gotten weirder these days to try to hook up with people outside online sites, work, school, or shitty dance clubs.

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IFrickinLovePorn t1_j2o388y wrote

Last time I tried hooking up with someone I met at the grocery store I got hired into human resources.. I wasn't remotely qualified!

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Busy-Okra-7732 t1_j2oqzxs wrote

With dating my advice is you have to go old school. No apps, no clubs, no bars. Go friend of a friend status. If you don't have friends you have to expand that circle. Intramural leagues, group events that kind of stuff put yourself out there to make friends and let them know you're single but not trying to just hook up with everyone all the time. Your friends will connect you.

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FandomMenace t1_j2p2a0u wrote

This is the (safe) way. Friends WANT to see you connected.

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Busy-Okra-7732 t1_j2vjihg wrote

Plus friends can vouch for you which is a lot safer way to meet people and removes some of the awkwardness of meeting a stranger.

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FandomMenace t1_j2vo27b wrote

They will also be able to clue you in on aberrant behavior before you find out the hard way on a stranger.

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intellifone t1_j2p9bp7 wrote

If you’re female, I have no advice. In my experience, women use dating apps the way the apps intend and swipe honestly which is what the algorithms expect.

Speaking as a dude, dudes use dating apps wrong and ruin it for everyone. Dating apps are fine if you use them right. I went 6 years without a single date from a dating app to 3 a week almost overnight just by changing my strategy for swiping. Not literally overnight but in like 2 weeks I barely got matches to the point that when I showed one of my single female friends she was shocked that I didn’t get any matches.

I happened across this article explaining the algorithms and decided to try and see if I can play to the algorithm. What did I have to lose. I can’t get fewer matches. And I wasn’t meeting girls at bars. I’m chubby, fairly introverted, and don’t have great fashion. I am tall but I look like Arnold from “Master of None”. Except I’m not that funny.

You have to tell the algorithm exactly what you like by being super picky and swiping yes ONLY on the profiles that you’re, like, itching to talk to. That even introverted me wouldn’t be afraid to approach in a bar. You can’t swipe yes until you know exactly how you’re starting the conversation. If it takes longer than a minute to come up with anything then swipe No. Your ratio should be 50 Nos to 1 Yes.

Once you do that, the algorithm has a really precise idea of what you’re into and WILL show you profiles likely to match and have a conversation.

If you don’t do this. If you’re not super honest with yourself and the algorithm, you’re going to get shown a lot of bots because the algorithm can’t tell the difference between you and a bot.

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Ok_Magician7814 t1_j2pa2z8 wrote

You have it wrong. It’s the opposite. Guys swipe/are much less picky than women in their swiping leading to most of the matches being distorted. If both genders were not very picky things would balance out more.

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intellifone t1_j2pbnqn wrote

I think we said the same thing. Guys currently say “yes” way too much. Guys need to swipe “no” a lot more than they do. Women already are swiping “no” the majority of the time. That’s what both should do to maximize high quality matches.

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Ok_Magician7814 t1_j2pl0k0 wrote

High quality matches based on what? I don’t know guys profiles but I’m familiar with girls profiles where over 80% are not descriptive at all and based purely on looks. So how should a guy be more meaningfully discerning?

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intellifone t1_j2pqfen wrote

I’m trying not to be condescending here but the math here is very simple.

If 80% of women’s profiles are missing descriptions and you’re supposed to say no to 49/50 profiles, then you still have 9 remaining profiles with details to say No to before you still get to the one single Yes.

That means of the 20% of “good” profiles, the ones that aren’t bots or aren’t trying to sling an OnlyFans, the ones with genuine photos and good descriptions in their profiles, you’re still supposed to say No to 1 in 10.

Say No to 95% of all profiles. The same way you would in real life if you went to a random bar. You’re not approaching 50% of the women in that bar even if 100% are guaranteed single. Not even 25%. You might say something to 1 or 2.

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DeengisKhan t1_j2rnfid wrote

I’m a super middle of the road white male. I’m have some of the favored traits in that I’m 6ft tall on the dot, and classically masculine looking, but I’m also pretty fat, and a total nerd. Like 100’s of days on RuneScape plays dnd once a week kind of nerd. I have no problem with dating sites. My only “gimmick” is I know how to cook and make that somewhat focal on my profiles. That’s the whole formula though. I put dumpy ass photos of myself being myself as my profile pics so as to make sure that if we do get to in person meeting that I always look better than my photos, and then only swipe on people I see myself attempting to actually go on a date with. I spent about 2 weeks on hinge a year ago, and have been with the person I met ever since and we live together now. I have met all but one girlfriend in this way over the course of about 8 years of relationships ending and beginning. It’s totally doable my friends I promise.

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