You're absolutely right. Most of it is bluffs and thankfully I've come to realize that as well, but the time and energy spent verifying and fighting them is exhausting. It's amazing how much time and money they've sunk into messing with her life but as retirees who owned their own restaurant they sure have a lot of both.

Be careful, my girlfriend's grandparents do this to her still and she's 27. Her dad was in a similar situation as your mom but he passed shortly after I met her and then they went full on crazy on her when he was out of the picture. Threatening to call her job and force her managers to get her off work when she refused to go to family gatherings in other states during work days (which isn't so much of a real threat so much as a threat of embarrassment), invoking power of attorney that she unknowingly signed when she was like 12, opening disability in her name, etc.

Fuck these people, I have no patience for these kinds of people after battling this crap for 4 years as an already overwhelmed young adult.