>How can we incentivize real discussions with all these different stakeholders in our state without just turning it into another name-calling exercise or political fight?

The issue here is that zoning and land ownership is inherently a political issue.

Politics is the competition between competing interest groups for power; the power relations among individuals especially regarding resources and status.

Land is wealth and a finite resource, and housing is essential for survival and status. You have people concerned with accumulating wealth in competition with those trying to merely eek out a living. There's nothing apolitical about this discussion.

Perhaps you mean partisan, e.g., adherence to a party or cause? Even then, you have firmly defined and contradictory causes: wealth accumulation vs wealth equity (or merely avoiding being homeless, really).

The civility of this discussion around affordable housing is directly linked to the stakes we're talking about here, and the general health and wellbeing of the society.