I can’t give you advice about AA other than, star going and find some group you like. The fact that you need help and want help is good. Do not give up. Try different things to keep you thinking about yourself and positive changes. It can be very hard but you can quit drinking. I know bc I did it 30 plus years ago. No drugs no alcohol that whole time. It was rough at first bc I had to change my whole routine. But day by day week by week it turned wonderful. Please get the help you want and need and don’t give up.