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magicMikeeee95 t1_j8jra1r wrote

"ARMAMENT EXPERTS AGREE: POTENTIAL SUBTERRANEAN TERRAPIN ATTACK POSSIBLE, TURTLES MAY BE STOCKPILING HUMAN WEAPONS"

The body would go here, but when I went to use the theoretical room of monkeys banging on keyboards, ScienceAlert and TMZ had it booked solid for months.

And for my source, let's go ahead and assume that I can convince a minimum of two r/NonCredibleDefense dwellers that some turtles can indeed field assemble certain brands of handgun.

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IvanAfterAll t1_j8jukw1 wrote

ChatAI to the rescue:

Title: Unusual Weapon Assembly Activity Observed in a Population of Turtles on a Hollow Island

Authors: Dr. Mei Ling Wong, Department of Zoology, University of Singapore; Dr. Thomas Anderson, Division of Ecology and Evolution, University of California, Berkeley

Abstract: In this study, we report the discovery of a population of turtles living in a previously unknown hollow island located near the equator. Our research team utilized satellite imaging to identify the island, and upon closer inspection, discovered that the interior of the island was hollow and occupied by a large number of turtles.

During our observations, we noticed that the turtles were engaging in an unusual activity: assembling handguns. We collected samples of these weapons and conducted a thorough analysis of their components and construction.

Our findings indicate that the turtles are capable of assembling functional handguns using raw materials and tools that they appear to have acquired through unknown means. The purpose of these weapons is currently unknown and requires further investigation.

This discovery raises important questions about the capacity of non-human species to engage in complex behaviors and raises concerns about the potential threats posed by these activities. Further research is needed to better understand the origins and implications of this behavior.

We urge all relevant government agencies and organizations to take this discovery seriously and to take appropriate measures to address any potential threats to national security.

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magicMikeeee95 t1_j8jup0b wrote

See now is the kind of stellar work I expected from AI

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IvanAfterAll t1_j8juubc wrote

Compelling enough that I kind of want a whole fiction series now.

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