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ACatInACloak t1_jbccf87 wrote

Imposter syndrome is a bitch aint it. Do I suck? Do I need to be this hard on myself to stop myself from doing a bad job? Am I actually doing a good job and being to hard on myself? When people tell me I'm doing a good job are they being honest or are they just being polite?

WHO FUCKING KNOWS

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Karter705 t1_jbcgdx4 wrote

Okay, but the way in which one should change their behavior in each of those situations is vastly different...

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VG88 t1_jbcqsp8 wrote

Yeah, but change it in what way/which direction?

Come on, meme. Make sense, lol.

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abaram t1_jbcr7d4 wrote

So do I relax and try to give people around me a sense of stability and comfort? Or do I put in extra work to make sure that I create work for everyone?

Those actions have opposite vectors and if I do one thing when the other is needed, I’m gonna be burning some bridges.

Either way, work is miserable and I don’t like it

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burgersnwings t1_jbcsdk0 wrote

But the method of change depends on if it's one, the other, or both.

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Shower_Handel t1_jbcsjhb wrote

Relief finally came when I stopped blaming myself and started blaming other people 😤

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Dryandrough t1_jbcumyg wrote

You're just a low self esteemed narcissist person, you can do this!

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jerber666 t1_jbcxbwh wrote

If being hard on yourself worked then it would have worked by now.

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NiroThomas t1_jbd1g15 wrote

If you truly believe in yourself you will be able to accomplish anything you put your mind to, convince yourself fully that it is possible, and you will succeed!

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vag1ne t1_jbd3ei1 wrote

I know u in real life Ramin

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thrilledteashop15 t1_jbdap0x wrote

Man this hits hard for me. I’m 32 years old, I thought I’d eventually feel comfortable with myself as I got older. But I absolutely hate myself, every success is minor or a fluke while every mistake is the worst mistake anyone could possibly make. I thought therapy would help, but it hasn’t yet. It’s such a weight, I feel so tired, hating myself. But I can’t seem to give myself any grace at all. 🤷‍♀️

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LunaMoth116 t1_jbdftjx wrote

I really don’t care for these “motivating” false dilemmas. Never mind that they encourage negative self-talk (which we could all use more of, amirite? 🙄). These are not the ONLY options for why you are not successful, or don’t believe yourself to be. What happened to mediocrity? Being average? Just being “okay” at something? We are not all “A” or “F” students in the school of life; the “C” student deserves attention too, because they are no less worthy of motivation or praise and no more deserving of contempt and condescension than the outliers are.

Maybe you don’t completely suck at something, but you’re not that great at it, either. So what? If you enjoy it, can support yourself, are respected by your peers, etc., isn’t that good enough? Maybe you’re too hard on yourself, but that doesn’t mean you should get a swollen head either. Why not just be self-aware enough to know that, like everyone else, you’re a WIP who’s doing their best, and you can never stop improving?

Either way, false dilemmas are irritating and deserve to be called out for the BS they are. 😑

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crayon_paste t1_jbdkma5 wrote

I had this mentality when I would set a goal for myself and not finish it. What I did was rationalize the thought process behind making the goal. The goal was to improve myself and to do something out of myself, not a way to punish myself.

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LubaUnderfoot t1_jbdl983 wrote

Not an either or. You can suck and be too hard on yourself. You can be doing your best and still do better, too.

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booglnoodl t1_jbdo5g0 wrote

My life in one picture. How did you know.

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ChuCHuPALX t1_jbdqthf wrote

...or you just completely suck and lack the literal ability to achieve your goal. Sometimes acknowledging it's time to stop and move on is better than failing unnecessarily.

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the_other_irrevenant t1_jbdslqz wrote

That's not that helpful given that the changes you have to make are completely different depending on which is the case.

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Bread_crumb_head t1_jbdsqbh wrote

Always default to being kind to yourself. Even if you have things in your life you need to change, you can still speak to yourself with love and kindness.

Think of how you might try to explain to a kind but troubled best friend. Most wouldn't berate or demean, they would be kindly but truthful in their own way.

The best part about being nice to yourself is that over time you'll be nicer to everyone as a side effect.

I hope whoever reads this has a lovely day :)

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zukeen t1_jbdug7j wrote

Everyone fails, but you usually only see your own failures very clearly, while everyone else hides their own and presents their strongest points.

The key for me is to compare myself to my yesterday-self, have I improved in any way or am I stationary? If I am stationary, what is the smallest achievable improvement I can make today? Remember that even 5 mins of (repeated) practice on something is good, you don’t have to become a specialist within a week. It is also okay to take a day, or a week off without feeling guilty about it.

On the other hand, if you consistently put in the work and still don’t see any results after multiple months, even after changing your approach, you need to take a hard look in the mirror, be honest and consider if you should further pursue that activity or look at something else. That is still fine! We are not all built for the same things.

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Beliahr t1_jbdvqnw wrote

Yes, my thoughts also always stop about there.

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Baebel t1_jbdzt57 wrote

Replying to ACatInACloak (#2,182,409)

Use to have a team lead that would try to benefit in gaslighting the hell out of me while I was in the middle of this, and a rapidly growing state of depression. Not fun.

Things are better now, especially after she was eventually fired. I hope to never return to that state of mind ever again.

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Schniiic t1_jbe108y wrote

I see myself in that picture and I dont like it

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the_greatest_MF t1_jbe1s5c wrote

if you suck, make sure it's hard. if you are hard, find someone to suck.

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charliechin t1_jbeepjs wrote

For some reason i find this picture very wario ware like. I like it

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monii_boo t1_jbef1kb wrote

I set an alarm to wake up early and workout. I was scrolling through Reddit until I saw this post. It made me get up and get my Pilates and yoga in. Thank you.

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White_Mocha t1_jbeh0en wrote

Replying to howard416 (#2,184,923)

Could mean several different things, however in my case, it means someone I made YouTube sketches with. I was (or perhaps still am) an actor with an eye for cinematic quality and he’s a comedian. His toxicity made for great and highly viewed videos, but when he brought that into real life, it was way too much to deal with.

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YesAndNo888 t1_jbekz5i wrote

I'm honestly the best person I know. In a lot of areas. And I'm extremely hard on myself. Figures.

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ganskidrums t1_jbethbv wrote

Replying to ACatInACloak (#2,182,409)

This is where comparing oneself to others actually makes sense, within reason. I agree it’s a mistake to judge your life based on milestones or achievements made by friends and family because we all have different goals and definitions of happiness.

However, in business or athletics or anything else where competition is a key component, we really need to know how we’re doing. With nothing/no one to compare ourselves to, its impossible to know whether we’re crushing it or about to be replaced.

I encounter a LOT of people who are afraid to ask for a raise when they need it, afraid to go home at the end of the day, afraid to take a full lunch break…all because they’re racing this invisible ghost and they don’t even know whether they’re winning or getting lapped.

Know where you stand. If you don’t know, ask.

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Trippinbill3 t1_jbf1v9r wrote

If you don’t have family that makes it natural for you to be happy with yourself, then get friends that do. Memes and quotes are temporary, but god friends are forever!!

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rookirab t1_jbf5ot0 wrote

100 Push ups, 100 Sit ups, 100 Squats & 10km run EVERY SINGLE DAY

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garry4321 t1_jbf70sn wrote

Doesnt really help when the two actions you need to take are completely different....

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chainsawx72 t1_jbf9jua wrote

I completely suck... but really so does everyone else in their own way.

Maybe I should stop being so hard on myself AND others.

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GlubSki t1_jbfadwq wrote

Kinda need to know which one it is though. If I think I'm being to hard on myself but actually do in fact suck - and I end up changing my behavior towards being less hard on myself - I would just end up. Sucking more. Help.

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jagulto t1_jbferd9 wrote

Or... You're perfect exactly as you are and the only thing you need to change is to stop worrying about it

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[deleted] t1_jbfntei wrote

I definitely completely suck and need to change

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MarwanMero t1_jbfq6ma wrote

"you have to negotiate with yourself not tyrannize yourself" Jordan Peterson

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wickedmonk00 t1_jbfrinv wrote

The balance is to find happiness in small things and focus less on mammoth dreams and desires if you live your day right you make your life right and you stop feeling like a looser

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TishTashToshbaToo t1_jbg0vlu wrote

Replying to PM_ME_SOME_SONGS (#2,183,520)

How would one do that? I read somewhere (probably in a meme) that you should talk to yourself the way you talk to your pet/child when they succeed at something small. 'Go you! You're so good at this!' or maybe just 'Stop eating that! Drop it!'

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Not_Larfy t1_jbgizvp wrote

I cannot accept compliments confidently.. it always ends up with me downplaying what I was complimented on.

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