Its not a waste, because it's my life & no one is living it second to second, moment to moment like I am. I'm not saying others aren't living, but they aren't livingYOUR life. Success is as subjective as the same patch of grass two people are looking at, describing it's shade of green they see.

Every day time marches on. For better. For worse. For niether. Where should you be? Hell if I know. I recently lost nearly everything I cared about due to a freak accident. Should I keep dwelling on if this or maybe that had happened differently, things wouldn't be like this? No. Wanna know why?

It's because I cannot change how any of that happened, how anyone else saw it or me during the recovery. I can't go back. Niether can you. I hate hearing the advice I'm about to give because of how "I need a real answer that makes 100% sense right now" I get when emotionally swept up, but when not angry there is another way of looking at it.

Do something. Anything. Change is constant, nothing truly remains the same, ever. My answer to your question of "is this all there is?" is a flat no. Things may seem similar, some things may feel identical to something that has already happened... but it's not. Ever, for example, think about a litter of kittens? Are any of them gonna be the same or similar? If one goes astray & never sees the rest again, does that one have to end up like it's kin? Will it? Together still in a happy family, or is it's life gonna be on the street? Is it worse off or better? How do the kittens who didn't vs the one alone know of the other's reality? They don't.

Do something you like. If that doesn't work, try something different. Life is ever changing, you could be too if you do it. It seemed like a "I could have had a V8" moment when it clicked that we enjoy life by Doing Things. What things? Any things. Every things. Will even this answer only satisfy me for a little while because depression doesn't just go away? Yeah. Then I'll remember this thought process when I've come out of feeling that way & keep walking just like I did a thousand times already. Stagnation is doing nothing, so avoid it & do something, preferably engaging & positive. If it helps others? Bonus. Keep walking, we're not dead yet.