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k4b0odls t1_je2wpwz wrote

My biggest fear is that my cruelty to myself will spill out onto others.

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Jmooney760 t1_je3kton wrote

It’s a blessing to be self aware. Use it to be kinder

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TitansTaint t1_je5nyp3 wrote

It ultimately is but man can it be uncomfortable and painful too.

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Jmooney760 t1_jed7ucc wrote

Yet you’re still here kicking my man. Keep your head up

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bmstalker t1_je42arf wrote

Treat yourself like you’re someone who you’re responsible for their care. Easier said than done but you deserve care from yourself as much as anyone else.

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Accomplished-Rice992 t1_je44vkp wrote

Yes! This is how I've overcome so much resentment for my body and myself! I call it puppy care!

Like a puppy, Body You is completely dependent on Brain You, and unwaveringly loyal, doing the best it can to do anything Brain You asks it to do on any whim. And like a puppy, it can't control whether or not it's meeting your goals or ideals (especially when it's sick). It also isn't at fault that Brain stuffed it with a dozen donuts daily for a week, so it packed on some weight.

So you're responsible for alllll the kindness, grace, and love it needs. And nutrition. Don't forget the nutrition. Please diligently feed the puppy nutritious food, and occasionally take it for some fun exercise.

And in time, you can see Brain You suffers when Body You suffers, so it's easier to forgive your mistakes. Body is tired, Brain is tired, mistakes happen and/or goals get missed. It's ok. You're not a colossal failure. You're just tired. Everyone gets tired; it's natural.

And eventually! "Oh, yeah, of course I did that dumb thing as a teenager. It's easy to see how I got there, and how I can avoid that type of immature mistake/behavior in the future. Why am I even holding that against myself when I've clearly grown? And I'll keep growing, too."

And I related a lot to a blurb in Marie Kondo's first or second book. She said someone asked her if it bothers her when other people are messy and disorganized. She basically said, yeah, until she realized her problems with them came from within. Once she was at peace with herself and her own space, she was fine with whatever other people did with their own spaces.

I find that very true for myself. It's easy to be kind and patient with others when I'm at peace with myself. I wouldn't wanna go home to a hostile environment, so why do I insist on making my most private space hostile? Once you see how damaging for no benefit it is, you can't unsee it.

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bmstalker t1_je48qit wrote

Very well explained and a good way to look at it.

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TitansTaint t1_je5or00 wrote

I've never heard it explained this way, that's very interesting! The child/critic schema is what helped me break through but I've since internalized it as my emotional self and logical self, left brains and right brain. My logical self kept my emotional self under very strict control in the effort to protect him. Once I made sure my emotional self was safe, especially from my logical self, he is now able to come out and experience life. With both my logical and emotional selfs working in concert I can bring my full self to bear on life and as a result it gets much easier and clearer.

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neonclawedgamblor t1_je606gq wrote

I know I'm just a stranger to you but I really appreciate you. You said a lot of things I needed to hear today. The self hatred and rumination is so strong and you gave me a perspective I hadn't even considered. Thank you

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Captain-Shivers t1_je3h6ac wrote

Love yourself

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carmium t1_je5kzcn wrote

I act like I do. I buy myself things sometimes. I don't cut myself or run at brick walls. But I still dislike me.
I could have been far better, I could have worked harder, and not been abnormal. Well, maybe not much choice on the latter. I know I could have been nicer, and less angry. More generous and less judgemental, especially for someone with so much to be judged. I feel I've sucked up far more resources from society than I'll ever give back.
What's to like, let alone love?

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MILO234 t1_je3kizg wrote

Of course it will. You have to be kind to yourself.

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