Congratulations, you walking miracle, you!! By the grace of my God, I have made it just over 5 years clean and sober. I'm not going to lie to you, it isn't always going to be easy, but it is SOOOOOOO worth it. There is no shame in reaching out to others for help. I'm sure others have already told you, but if not - I am super SUPER proud of you & I love you! Keep fighting for yourself 🙂