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ihitrockswithammers t1_j8qudld wrote

Reply to comment by NehEma in [Image] The world will ask you who you are, and if you don't know, the world will tell you. by crm_expert

> I'm a 27yo French countryside punk, what do I know? :)

All of the things ;0)

Thanks! I'm finding it really difficult tbh, how to know what is authentically me and what is the result of all those years of the world telling me who I am. Queer theory says gender is performative but I didn't respond well to my training in the masculine stage show. Some people do, and are quite comfortable in that space, and more power to them, but finding another path is challenging when most of the people you care about are deeply uncomfortable with it and angrily try to push you off it and back on to the traditional one.

How do people in the country feel about punks?

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NehEma t1_j8s1no6 wrote

It is fucking difficult. You have to find out what makes you the happiest while dealing with losing a lot of your role models which tend to react disappointingly to all your endeavours.

First and foremost: the naysayers are wrong.

Do you have some supportive people around you? If you happen to need some, and are ok with that person being me, my DMs are open and you would be welcomed.

I've been so damn lucky to have had some supporting close friends who spent a whole lot of energy to cheer me up and reassure me. Now they're my dear family ♥

Some people have a very detailled plan about what will make them happy and what they'll need to do to get it. You don't seem to have that, I don't either, and tbh I think most people are in the same case... I just tried as much things as I could and kept what seemed to work best for me. I had some tries at being a guy, then a high femme phase, now I've stabilized a bit somewhere between butch and androgynous. It is ok to doubt yourself, admit than something was just a phase, and test weird stuff :)

People tend to react a bit weird to me because of my looks (tattoos, piercings, colorfull hair, etc) and because I'm a tad socially awkward but it's almost always a matter of first impressions rather than direct hostility. Often they're very confused about whether I'm a dude or a woman but it's been a constant during my whole life so I'm getting the hang of it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

edit: 'Cause if it becomes too easy/ Friend, you'll start to lose your punch

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ihitrockswithammers t1_j8sxde6 wrote

I have a great friend who's also a trained make up artist, and her mum used to dress the stars in movies in the '70s, she's been amazing. My employer was always like the big brother I never had but he seems to be struggling with it now. I really appreciate that, thankyou.

Yeah it's all about community, we're lost on our own, most of us anyway.

I have an idea of what I want, not so much how to get there. I've been making sculptures for the last 20 years, that's been my lifeblood. I feel deeply connected to the things I make, which helps, but it's not enough in the long run. It's human connection and partnership I need to find.

I'm similar, in some ways I'm very masculine, others quite femme, though it's my feminine side that's the hardest to express. I've been having my beard lasered off cause it's such a huge barrier to feeling like myself. Still very heavy stubble around my mouth and I hate it, makes me look like the thug I am definitely not. And that in turn seems to influence the kind of potential partners I attract.

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