Hello CuriousReditor,

Shame is always tough one. Sorry you've feeling this, I know it's such an awful way to feel about ourselves.

I've worked on this with many of my clients and dealt with it myself (like I think we all do).

We're usually so much harder on ourselves than we are on others. So the first thing I typically ask my clients is: "what would you say to a friend that was feeling the same thing?". Usually what we'd tell a friend is much more kind, objective, and more constructive.

There's typically a big discrepancy between the client's self talk and what they would say to someone else that was having a hard time.

Once we've identified the kinder and more supportive things they would say to a friend, I ask them to turn these statements towards themselves, and make them "I statements".

For example, if the client is saying "I am a awful person", but would tell a friend "you are only human and made a mistake" for the same situation, I get the client to get into the habit of using this kinder response for themself.

Shame is often the result of repetitive negative self talk, but if we begin to slowly change our inner dialogue, our emotions and eventually our behaviors often begin to change as well. It's not an easy thing to do, and takes time, but it can be done and can make a huge change to how we feel about ourselves.

I would encourage you to find some kindness for yourself, the same way I'm sure you would find for someone you care about.