This style is very common when it comes to Japanese light novels. Kind of a mix between scriptwriting and traditional novel. This is the first time I've seen it outside that whole Japanese genre though. It's a really specific style of writing for a really specific genre. As long as OP likes it that's what matters. But I'll just say it probably won't really appeal to readers in the traditional market. The cover is great. Though, like others have said, is really more found in the YA category.