DangersBabygirl t1_izgscy8 wrote
Hi Claudia- as an OW who has fallen in love with a MM (2 years). We're crazy about each other. I'm def struggling. He has tried walking away many times and comes back within weeks. I've heard the experience described as gorilla glue by other psychologists.
He is miserable in his marriage, has been for years, but I get it- there are children that prevent him from leaving for a few more years.
In your experience, do these men walk away from their AP eventually, even though they have nowhere to turn to per se?
Claudia-Delgado-LCSW OP t1_izh85la wrote
Hi DangersBabygirl. In my experience MM that have been in a long term affair do not often leave marriage. Children are a “reason” and it’s rarely ever the only reason they are not leaving. If they do, it’s usually years down the line and it’s not a clear break. They often become used to getting the affection from 2 women and continue to want that after they leave.
Leeeshee t1_izhdhu5 wrote
Thank you for this comment. I needed to read it.
DangersBabygirl t1_izhfpuo wrote
Thank you for the reply! Enlightening. In this instance, there is no affection from the other side. At all. It's a roommate scenario. Not sure if that changes anything.
Claudia-Delgado-LCSW OP t1_izk9442 wrote
Even in that scenario, which is actually very common, it usually doesn’t change outcome much in my professional experience. Usually there are many other reasons they are not leaving and often they will say things like “you deserve more/better” “if you choose to leave, I would understand” . These are often ways to manipulate someone to stay longer as they are attempting to show they care and give hope in order for things to continue as they are.
I’ve seen many situations where kids are in college, roommate situation is still the same and person doesn’t leave.
iamfierce1111 t1_j1y0ql7 wrote
Why do you think they stay if they aren't happy? Too scared to leave and all the changes that would come?
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