Hi Burneracct157. That is a great question. Unfortunately, it’s not a simple one to answer as this takes some time to figure out with my clients in sessions. I can say that part of it is to figure out the reasons Affair started to begin with. Then it’s important to look at what a person is getting out of each relationship and what is missing. Also the outcomes of staying with one and leaving the other. Part of what is done in Therapy is we look each week to deeply discuss emotions that come up during specific interactions in order to come to better realization of what the meaning behind each relationship is. Once things are figured out, we come up with a plan on how to move forward to do it in the gentlest way possible as receiving information of this type can be very painful and traumatic to the other people involved as well as person having affair.

As far as the guilt, this too is a process that takes time as many people around will be judgmental and take sides. It’s a slow process and we work together to discuss guilt, shame, indecisiveness, grief and loss. What I would tell someone in this situation is that everyone deserves to find happiness and peace. Also, an affair does not erase all the good in you nor does it define you. Unfortunately, affairs with people having children happen all the time. Finding ways to end secrecy is an important step to starting the healing process for all parties involved.