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RaveSupreme t1_je6br3r wrote

This is stupid and just teaches people to never be accountable for their own actions. Sometimes a person of authority (mom, boss, cop/security, spouse, ANYBODY really) will yell at you and that’s okay. We all make mistakes that can be fixed. But don’t for a second blame them for your mistake. This is such a nuanced conversation and to treat it as something so black and white shows how naive you are and how little life experience you have

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[deleted] t1_je6eenh wrote

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Waiting-For-October OP t1_je6g4j5 wrote

It sounds like you know exactly what being mean is lol

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[deleted] t1_je6hos3 wrote

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Waiting-For-October OP t1_je6ihlv wrote

Maybe you have never experienced this. Maybe you are actually the person who is mean to others. A customer at your work who has a nasty attitude or a clerk at a store with a sarcastic manner to you when you ask a question, maybe when this happens to you, it is called for. Maybe you are the one who is mean for no reason. Maybe you are actually a Karen and don’t realize it?

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Waiting-For-October OP t1_je6g0od wrote

That isn’t mean (well your comment is lol) when your boss scolds you for being late for the 18th time that isn’t mean. When your co-worker makes a nasty comment about your hair, that is mean.

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ChrisGeritol t1_je6cavo wrote

Dumbest shit I've ever read. If you are a pathetic driver and I honk and flip you off (am mean to you), it's 100% because you're a shitty driver.

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Waiting-For-October OP t1_je6gben wrote

And only a miserable person would flip off a stranger. The honk may be necessary (although from your tone, I assume you honk when it isn’t necessarily needed)

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ChrisGeritol t1_je6n2km wrote

No, you raging child, if you almost hit my car, you're getting flipped off, because you deserve it. Quit being a raging dipshit.

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Preposterous_punk t1_je6nyi2 wrote

If you keep kicking your friend’s cat, and laughing and continuing when they tell you to stop, and then they yell and call you an AH… That is not 100% them and 0% you.

If you ask a person out and they say no, so you start following them around insisting they give you a chance and yelling at them whenever they smile at someone else, until they tell you they don’t find you attractive and they’ll report you if you don’t leave them alone… That is not 100% them and 0% you.

If you’re constantly critical of people and insist on being “brutally honest” and ignore their feelings and they stop inviting you to parties and tell you they don’t want you around… That is not 100% them and 0% you

If a person finds that people get angry at them a lot, they need to examine their own behavior and figure out why. Going through life with an attitude of “everything I do is automatically fine and other people’s reactions to me are about them, not me” is going to lead to a difficult, lonely life.

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Waiting-For-October OP t1_je6rxsf wrote

That isn’t what I meant though. Those examples aren’t mean though. I mean like back handed compliments, passive aggressiveness etc

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Preposterous_punk t1_je6tnm6 wrote

That’s why a one-size-fits-all tip doesn’t work, though. “Mean” is not a clear enough term. I think a lot of people would view someone saying “I think you’re unattractive and I don’t want you around me, leave me alone!” as mean. And sometimes it is mean, and a bizarre response to someone asking to be handed a napkin. Sometimes it is a reasonable and desperate reaction to unacceptable behavior. Same with the other examples. But if someone walks into a room and says “a girl just said I’m ugly and shouldn’t come near her,” and people respond with “OMG how mean! That’s about her, not you!” the person is going to continue on acting in appropriately and feeling sure they’re not the problem.

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[deleted] t1_je6to8w wrote

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Waiting-For-October OP t1_je6tz05 wrote

Yea I could probably edit it to remind people what “mean” actually is, but at this point it’s pointless since I realize posting in this sub attracts too many abusive psychos so I’m just gonna forget about it.Thanks for the input though.

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keepthetips t1_je6b772 wrote

Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!

Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.

If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.

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Snoo-22985 t1_je96tus wrote

I don't get the hate on this and why everyone is saying "mean doesn't exist, people are just telling you things you don't want to hear"... like what?! Your post isn't talking about that, your post was talking about when people are genuinely a dick. I think you just activated a part of these guys childhood by saying "mean", which is a rather child-like word that "victims"/soft people use a lot to describe whenever someone tells them something they don't want to hear. "Rude" might have been a better word, but I'll never understand why people can't set aside their emotions to take things at face value (hint: it's because of their ego!)

I fully agree with you and this post. And there's noting wrong with killing em with kindness. Don't overdo it, but lightly responding back kindly if it fits and sitting back and being unaffected by them is the godliest self righteous thing you can do. It's the healthiest thing to do.

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121853marty t1_jeatmnq wrote

So there is no such thing as 'a trigger '???

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