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Gombreezy t1_je4aq20 wrote

Thank you!

Wife and I are, always been, and always will be childfree. How hard is it to just say okay when someone says they don't want kids. It's really irritating when someone says "oh you'll change your mind, or there's still time, or it'll be different when it's yours, or you never know". Yes, I do know, I've never wanted to or even thought being a parent would be cool, enjoyable, or something I want.

ALSO, maybe they haven't had a kid or don't want kids because they actually can't have them, and the comments about how they can change their mind could be really hurtful.

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dubdoll OP t1_je4cjmt wrote

Exactly!

My sister said her friends were saying all those things and almost trying to convince her why she should want them. It’s not the 1950s anymore, if a person doesn’t want kids, they don’t have to have them.

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lostharbor t1_je56v7a wrote

It wasn't appropriate to ask in the 50's either but people will do what they do.

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dubdoll OP t1_je6tq3x wrote

Oh yeah for sure. But it was basically assumed that that’s what you would do as a woman.

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TunturiTiger t1_je9640y wrote

Can I stop paying taxes too if I don't want to? Who cares about the long term consequences for the rest of society as a whole, right? After all, my own ego is the highest authority there is, and absolutely NO ONE has any right to hold any expectations to my behavior or decisions...

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Constant_Mouse_1140 t1_je5591u wrote

I salute you. I’ve seen too many parents that, in retrospect, hadn’t really thought through if they REALLY wanted kids or not.

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RogueMage14 t1_jebrjj7 wrote

I feel like the only reason they ask is because misery loves company. Look, children are nice and fun, but there are many moments where they are just too frustrating, especially when you are not ready. It seems that they ask because they have someone to vent about their kids.

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b_lett t1_je5wlo7 wrote

Maternal mortality/morbidity is a serious issue that most don't consider. We're constantly hit with depictions of childbirths where nothing goes wrong in tv/shows/books, etc. The reality, is that there are a lot of cases where things go wrong, or where women know up front they have conditions where even trying to carry a baby full term could pose a risk to their life.

So this subject matter could be a sensitive point for medical reasons, not even just a financial or social pressure reason.

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16M4 t1_je5vn7a wrote

Wife and I used to get comments like this all the time. We’re both only children and never had the desire to have kids. Got tired of hearing the comments and one time someone asked why we didn’t (and I had been thinking about putting it this way for a while just to see what would happen) I just blurted out “..cause we fucking hate kids.” Let me tell you how quick that conversation ended. No like malice towards the person asking, just a “I don’t even like other people’s kids, why would I want my own”. Funny thing was, the people asking laughed, said “fair enough” and that was that. Try it sometime, it’s hilarious because most people are expecting some sort of well it wasn’t the right time, or something about finances, etc. The DO NOT expect that answer.

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TheGrimDweeber t1_je6dm6s wrote

I’m a woman, and I don’t get the question too often, not sure why. But when I do, and I say No, I really love it when they (usually complete strangers) say:

“Oh, just wait until you hit 30. Your biological clock will start ticking then, and you will change your mind.”

I love grinning at them and going:

“I’m 33 already, I think my clock might be busted.”

I suspect the same thing will happen once I hit my 40’s, and people will shift to “Before you know it, you’re 40, and it’ll be too late! That’s when the panic will start to set in!”

I got shite genes, but the one thing we got right, is visible aging. I mean, we all die long before the national average, but whatever. And we don’t even make pretty corpses, because of the bad genes fucking us up in our final years. But at least we look younger for longer!

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apriljeangibbs t1_je7xi30 wrote

I saw a great video on social media called “What If We Talked To People With Kids The Way We Talk To Childless People” and it had the person asking questions like “what if you change your mind but it’s too late and now they’re just living in your house?”… “How are you going to take care of yourself when you’re old and have no money left cause you spent it on kids?”… “I know you guys say that now, but if your partner changes their mind later would you be willing to out the kid up for adoption?”…. Really shows how dumb these interrogations of child-free people really are.

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RogueTwo25 t1_je5iezb wrote

Feels good to know that I am not the only person who is going through this, thank you for sharing your experience kind stranger.

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TunturiTiger t1_je91l20 wrote

>How hard is it to just say okay when someone says they don't want kids.

Hard, because I consider it to be completely deranged and destroying our future piece by piece.

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