Submitted by MeeLegend3009 t3_z62l4f in LifeProTips

She is a mother who has been separated from her offspring because my mother didn't want two cats. I suspect she is ignoring us because we took her away from her babies, but I'm not sure.

If this is not the case, can you tell me what's happening and what I can do? And if yes, should I surrender her to the shelter we adopted her since she doesn't seem happy with us?

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Rose375 t1_ixz2i8v wrote

Yes take her to the vet to see if something is wrong.

Also make her a safe space in the house that's just hers where she won't be disturbed where it is quiet and safe cats like to go in spots that are enclosed (but can get out) where they feel hidden. They also feel safer with high perches.

Think about Maslows hierarchy of needs -are all of her needs being met? Remember that cats have stronger senses than people so a smell or sound that is tolerable to you might not be tolerable to her.

Good luck I hope your kitty feels better soon.

I can give more ideas but too tired right now so reply or message (not chat) if you want to brainstorm more

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MeeLegend3009 OP t1_iy36lo3 wrote

Thanks for the solution.

But she doesn't let us get close to her. We can't even touch her without being scratched. How can we get her to the vet?

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Any_Coyote6662 t1_ixz10zc wrote

You guys should def have her checked out at the vets for a uti or something just in case. Or could be worms. Lots of things can cause a cat to not want to be touched.

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sakzeroone t1_ixz36p0 wrote

For sure get her checked but that might just be her personality... some cats don't like people

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Crafty-Shape2743 t1_ixzcbi3 wrote

I adopted a feral who had kittens way too young. She was with her kittens at the rescuers home until they were fully weaned and then some. When we got her, she spent 3 months in the basement, only coming out at night to eat.

When she did decide to live upstairs, she chose my daughters room and spent most of her time there.

She was skittish with me for the first year. It took 3 years for her to warm to my husband. It was 4 years before opening a door or drawer near her wouldn’t flip her out. She didn’t like to be held, she didn’t like to sit on laps.

We had another sweet, goofball cat that she never fully trusted but they would sleep together sometimes. After he died, after about 7 years of her living with us, which made her 8, she slowly started changing. She likes to be held now, she likes sitting on laps, and at night, she will snuggle with us.

I second checking with a vet, but sometimes a cat just needs space and time to adjust.

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feralraindrop t1_iy18r3k wrote

We have had a feral cat since he was a kitten. He was born in our wood pile. He and his brother are the only two we ever saw. Their mom brought them onto our deck to live in a cat house I built them. Eight years later the mom has passed away and one of the boys is completely domesticated and the other lives in our house, sits with us but won't let us touch him. I don't think the Op's cat is unhappy, just not ready to be domesticated. I think the worst thing you can do is take it back to the shelter. Just more trauma.

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Cup_Realistic t1_ixz7rhb wrote

Might wanna take a look at some Jackson Galaxy Videos

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mr78rpm t1_ixzt1ka wrote

Be a better cat than he/she is. Ignore her. Put down her food, then sit nearby and read.

A recent comment here was that someone's rescue cat finally came near them, some five years after they adopted her. Or him.

Persevere.

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tmaOT33 t1_iy1zxnf wrote

Please don’t take her back to the shelter. Make sure she’s healthy at the vet and then just love her the way she needs to be loved.

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keepthetips t1_ixz0mtr wrote

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gentle_gardener t1_ixz5xgn wrote

If you didn't want more than one cat why haven't you had her neutered?

Eta, how old were the kittens when they were removed?

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MeeLegend3009 OP t1_iy2rngg wrote

She IS neutered, actually.

I didn't mind more than one, it was my mother who didn't want it.

Like, I really don't know. 1 year, max.

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gentle_gardener t1_iy2s3u9 wrote

Oh, she's likely to be missing him/her but she'll get over it. Like others have said here, give her time and space, it may take a while tho

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Immediate-Ad-8841 t1_ixz749s wrote

Our cat is an observer, she just likes watching us, and runs to hide when anyone else comes over. She is happiest with a high perch bed near me or in some sunshine, or outdoor time alone. I know she likes us as she is always looking out the window when we arrive back home. Lately, she's into having a down blanket on top of pillows on my dresser next to my bed with a water bowl close by... She will jump on my chest maybe 2 minutes for petting of her head, between her eyes, and that's it, she's off to do her own thing - easiest cat ever! I don't pick her up or expect her to give me attention, always on her terms. We have a love time at her food bowl, a treat time, but she doesn't want much. I'm an animal person, so I'm used to animals loving me and she runs away from me too - cats are odd creatures. Surrendering your cat would likely result in her spending years in a shelter.

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MycologistPutrid7494 t1_iy1grlo wrote

It's not because her kittens are gone.

She might just be naturally shy. Is your house very loud and active? That might intimate her. You could try isolating her in one room and making it very cat-friendly. When you feed her, sit nearby and talk to her. Be patient. Cats are stubborn and it may take a while.

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MeeLegend3009 OP t1_iy36jwn wrote

alright. But then she doesn't let us get close to her. We can't even touch her without being scratched. How can we get her to a cat friendly room?

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stiveooo t1_iy1udlb wrote

nah they are just like that, +they will almost never change, i had 7 cats and most act like cats loving just the feeder.

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stiveooo t1_iy1uiru wrote

taking their babies doesnt affect them if you do it after 3 weeks.

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gentle_gardener t1_iy2rxce wrote

I can't believe you're saying something so untrue. It absolutely does effect them! A kitten is designed to stay with its mother for 6 - 8 weeks and the mother will search for them crying for days if they're removed before this time. Her milk will be at full flow at this time and every instinct will be telling her to feed her babies or they will die. Psychological trauma aside, she's also likely to get mastitis precisely because her milk is in full flow rather than naturally tapering off as the kits get older and are slowly weaned.

On top of that, kittens removed from their mother too early are much more likely to be difficult adults as theyve missed out on their mother's care and discipline at an important learning stage in life.

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