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I want to be on the plane as little as possible - I will always grab the first available window or aisle seat. Especially if I'm not checking a bag.

Or just look for a decent seat as you get on the plane rather than an aisle seat back by the shitter

For long flights I usually take the seats in the back with easier access to the restroom. For shorter flights I like row 9, which is the first row to get drinks served.

Sit near the front and you are one of the first off the plane

Forgot to check in on time and ended up with C59. Standing in line as the C 1 through 30 boarded, turned to the guy behind me and said, “Looser”. He cracked up.