Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

ehmaybenexttime t1_iyq58qa wrote

Reply to comment by Youarethebigbang in A Philadelphia woman collects thousands of stuffed animals and brings them to seniors who are in need of a Christmas gift by AmethystOrator

This post hit me right where it hurts. My mom worked at nursing homes when I was growing up, and and got a job at the one my great grandma was at, on a different Wing because I don't think she was allowed to be on my g-grandmother's. I didn't live with her, but when she would come and spend time with me at my grandparents house, she was always so hurt by how lonely everyone was. Sometimes she would pick me up and bring me to work with her for 3 or 4 hours and just have me go say "hi". Of all the issues that our seniors have in care homes, loneliness should never be one of them. It is, in my opinion, the greatest of their concerns.

90

Youarethebigbang t1_iyq89fy wrote

You're exactly right, in my experience lonliness in the nursing home was probably the most common "ailment" among long term residents. I honestly think some died of lonliness, they just sort of gave up.

The saddest were parents who's kids would literally just drop them off and never be seen again, even if they lived in the area. It's one thing and bad enough to not have any family, but another to have family and they won't even visit you--I mean not even during the holidays. Most of them use the excuse that its too hard/depressing on them (the family) to visit a nursing home. Well what do they think its like being there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week without even having the choice to leave?

31

ehmaybenexttime t1_iyq8joc wrote

I remember walking around and just popping into rooms and saying hi. Some patients were more ornery than others, so I knew where to actually come in and spend time. Coming in to just let them be. I was a kid. It's not my place. But oh my gosh the time I would spend with the average patient was weird for me, and amazing for them. Old people smell will be smashed into my brain until I am an old person (willing that I get there!). People forget that elderly people are just humans who lived longer than they used to. They're special and important and have lots of things to tell us if we listen.

22

Youarethebigbang t1_iyq9tjt wrote

You were doing God's work as a child, haha, that's great.

So my general thought or understanding is in the US, nursing homes are basically a drop off building for the old because the majority of residents have family that could actually take care of them if they wanted or were determined to. Most of the care they need most of the time isn't acute, and its very manageable.

Outside the US, or at least the West, as far as I know nursing homes aren't really even a thing. That is, the elderly are respected and valued and cared for by their entire family, they just make it work. Thats why most of the direct caregivers, at least in my area, are Asian and Hispanic. Generally their culture wouldn't even allow you to put an elder in a home, As a Filipina nurse told me, it would be "shameful" to do where she came from, the community would look down on you.

5

ehmaybenexttime t1_iyqasub wrote

My mom said that her best nurses were from cultures that genuinely do respect older generations. Male or female, they seem to offer the a level of empathy, care and understanding the patients deserve.

Treatment of bed sores? It was a slap on the ass with medicine for some people, but some nurses understood that they were caring for an actual individual lives that a long, full life and this is where they were? Being abused by 25-year-olds with little patience? I loved those people. I was allowed to sit on the side of a man's bed and read him basically all of one of the Peanuts comics anthology books for no reason. I thought he might like it, I'm sure he didn't but he sure loved having me there.

I remember when I was like 12, because I moved to South Carolina when I was around that age, a man whispered if it was okay for us to try to go to the bathroom alone. He just wanted to do it for himself but I knew that I wasn't allowed to let that happen. So I told my mom that I was going to pretend that he was going on his own but I wanted a nurse right outside the door. He did get to the toilet. He was so proud of himself! He yelled through the door that he was going to sit down to pee, and "that wasn't wrong". I yelled back that it wasn't wrong! It was safe and I was proud of him. Again my mom was a nurse, so I knew what to say. He did eventually end up needing help getting up off of the toilet that I couldn't offer, and he would never have asked me to give him. Before anyone makes any jokes about the infirm, consider how you would like to be treated, and viewed after a lifetime of sacrifice, hard-working, love. Would you like to be treated like a child because your body doesn't work the way that it should anymore?

9

Subreon t1_iyq6j2n wrote

Another victim of car dependant America. Once a senior becomes too out of it to drive anymore, it's basically over for them. So they either gotta be discovered rotting in their home, or give up their freedom in trade for having people around. Sensibly designed cities have a variety of continuous transit options and plazas everywhere for people to just chill and chat casually. And crossing paths with cars isn't a life threatening endeavor because they're made to crawl through the wisely designed street that naturally encourages slower driving. That's true freedom. Such a beautiful infrastructure setup

24

Chi_FIRE t1_iyq7t0w wrote

Found the fellow Not Just Bikes watcher. Based and bikepilled!

10

ehmaybenexttime t1_iyq79ii wrote

What are you on about!? I would say it has a lot more to do with people that are not able to leave the home because of medical issues. This issue is firmly in the hands of a community that doesn't value our older generations. They may not think the way that we do, and they may be kind of hard to deal with sometimes, with issues like dementia, Alzheimer's and generalized anxiety that comes from pain and aging. Those people can't get out by themselves, even if you put them on a bus. People need to VISIT those lonely people. They are people. They are lonely, but they're also confused and require medical attention almost all the time. Putting them on the goddamn bus wouldn't help.

7

Subreon t1_iyssu5m wrote

Must've missed the part about the plaza and safe walkability for them to socialize and attend their own needs like getting food from one of the several small local shops lining the pedestrian covered streets. They don't even have to travel to do all that in a sensible city. If they have a medical issue, there's a lot of people around to immediately notice it and help or get help. Even in a nursing home there's only so many staff, and if a senior has an issue where nobody is watching at the moment, then they could die from something simple they easily could've been saved from. What I'm going on about is that a lot of what's wrong with America is rooted in how its infrastructure was designed. And that itself is rooted in the evil rich. All roads, ironically, lead to the rich. Solve these problems and this country will truly shine

2