Cutting a Promo

The theater seats of the Star City Odeon sat empty, save for the one man shrouded in shadow sitting in the back row watching the performance on stage. A solitary spotlight illuminated the hulking beast of a man on stage. A tight red tank top hugged his barrel chest while his sweatpants looked ready to rip at the seams trying to contain legs the size of tree trunks, a red brick patterned mask concealed his face. A tuft of platinum blonde hair poked out the back of the mask which was rolled up above the man's lips so as not to muffle his monologue. A matching blonde fu man chu mustache framed his square face.

"Try as they might, all shall fall, since none on earth can conquer.....the wall!" Bellowed the man on stage in a voice far too high pitched for a man of his stature. He flexed his enormous biceps and snarled.

The man in the back row rose from his seat, the echo of his footsteps reverberating through the empty theater as he emerged from the shadows. A slim man with a deathly pale complexion made his way on stage. Dark eyes sunk deep into their sockets, his cheeks sullen, making his high cheeks bones more prominent on his slender face. A long thin nose sat above thin lips bearing a pencil thin goatee. A black leather beret hugged his skull, his puffy shirt and pants made it look like he'd stepped off a movie set from earlier in the century. The man put his hand up and shook his head as he paced in a circle around the behemoth.

"I've had many struggles in my career. When I was a young man learning the craft of shakesperean theater I was denied countless roles due to backstage politics. The only way to overcome that hurdle was to become a performer so great that none could deny my greatness. With ease I overcame that obstacle. Naturally I sought out a new challenge.

Turning low level schmucks such as yourself into orators capable of striking fear into the populace and the supers that protect them. Not through acts of malicious intent or plans most fiendish, but through the power of the human tongue. Before me, the cartoonish antics of those with powers were portrayed as such.

Gone are the days of ham-fisted, over the top, ridiculous monologues delivered in a fashion more fitting of a mustache twirling vaudeville villain that a sophisticated sadistic supervillain. I've instructed many on the arts of menacing monologues and sinister soliloquies, but you, my brick shithouse friend...have been the toughest challenge I, the great Reginald Buttersworth, have yet faced." Reginald spoke in a flat english accent, disappointment hung on his every word as he continued berating his student. Weeks of instruction had already past with little to no progress made. Reginald was nearing his wits end.

"Being loud doesn't make you intimidating, especially with the habit of your voice raising an octave or two when you do. It sounds like an oversized girl scout trying to sell me stale cookies, not exactly bone chilling. Defeats the look you're going for of an unstoppable hulking monster that could crush every bone in a person's body with ease. Lean into that. Sometimes less is more. The bard did say that brevity is the soul of wit."

The wall scratched his chin in thought, "Am I really that bad on the mic?" he asked sadly.

Reginald nodded his head. "Terrible. Too many dramatic pauses, non-sequiturs, tangents that seemingly go nowhere, absolutely awful segues, and a voice crack or two shattered the menacing air you were trying to project. Remember to speak from your diaphragm not your lungs. Keep your timbre under control. Someone who can speak calmly about devastation and destruction is more menacing than a raving lunatic. Bring some gravitas to the performance."

The wall cocked his head to the side in confusion. The direction had flown directly over it. Reginald rolled his eyes, he hated having to dumb it down. "Let's take it in a different direction. Give me a menacing growl." He demanded.

"You want me to just growl?"

"Yes. Now give me a growl, not a snarl. Imagine there's a burning fire deep within the core of your very being. If unleashed a cleansing hellfire would escape and wreck untold misery and devastation. You fight to contain it.....action!"

A weak grumble escaped the wall's mouth, hardly a growl. His skin turning as red as his mask.

Reginald shook the massive man about the shoulders, unable to move him even an inch. "That's the best you've got!? You're hopeless! Weak! Those are just glamour muscles that came from a syringe and not a dumbell!" Reginald screamed.

A vicious growl rumbled the stage as the wall bent at the waist to look down at Reginald. Every muscle tensed, veins popped along his arms, a pulsing network that thumped with each beat of the wall's heart.

"Perfect!" Exclaimed Reginald as he slowly backed away. "Now that is scary. I wouldn't want to run into you in a dark alley like that. Maybe we should focus on non-verbal communication next week. That's where you excel, even with a mask on."

The wall's barrel chest heaved as he composed himself. "That doesn't work for me brother, I need to be able to talk in public. Promoter won't give me a push unless my mic skills and promo work improves." Wall embarrassingly admitted. He moonlighted as a wrestler on the independent circuit on the weekends.

Reginald paced about the stage, he doubted even he could mold this massive lump of clay into a charismatic wordsmith. An idea bubbled in his brain, exploding into a plan to get paid more for less work. "Sounds like you need a manager to speak for you. A Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan to your Sid Justice. For a price I could play that part. I've held audiences in the palm of my hands for years; I can rile up a crowd of rubes looking for cheap entertainment. With my help you'll shoot to the top of the card in no time! All you need to do is look intimidating. That's what we'll work on each week during our sessions." A sleazy smile crossed Reginald lips as he extended his hand to the wall. The two shook hands, sealing the deal.

"Are you a heel or a babyface?" Reginald asked.

"Babyface." Replied the wall.

"Oh that will never do. Being a villain is much more entertaining. By the time we're done you'll be the most hated man in town. All without saying a word."

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