everythingisunknown t1_j8s2otv wrote on February 16, 2023 at 3:37 PM

The internal struggle of spiritual belief:

Take care of your divinity

It allows you to spread light

Salting the earth with

Grains of unearned positivity

Winds whispering the words

Corralling the masses to herd

While they hang on every word

It all seems so absurd

Holy water blinding their vision

Wrath filled, dreaming of desire

Be careful if you disagree with them

Or you’ll burn in hell, in fire.

ruraljurorlibrarian t1_j8tui71 wrote on February 16, 2023 at 10:19 PM

I like your topic here and the way divinity becomes a personal characteristic. I like the imagery that connects earth to body to eventually fire/creation. Especially love the salt/earth connecting to grains.

I think your last line is good but I might go with hellfire rather than "hell, in fire" because I think the hell connects better if it comes right after and makes for a more succinct ending.

everythingisunknown t1_j8tv6e3 wrote on February 16, 2023 at 10:24 PM

Thank you! I actually considered hellfire originally but felt it didn’t have enough punch but that seems to have been to my detriment, I appreciate the feedback and will take your advice on board for the next one :)