What can I say? I've always been clever.

I mean, one time I picked the pocket of an Elder God. They noticed, they always do, but the slight of hand I pulled made them think some other schmuck was dumb enough to do it.

Last I heard he was still serving his punishment strapped to the ground with an eagle eating his newly regrown liver every day.

Then there was the time I got a king to serve his son up to the gods. His punishment ended up being stuck in a river that shrinks away when he goes to drink it surrounded by trees whose branches recoil when he tries to pick their fruit.

Let me tell you though, this last scheme was truly one for the ages though. I managed to get my sin for immortality forgiven. I mean, tricking the gods into making me immortal was bad enough, but tricking them into forgiving me was the pies de resistance.

How did I do this?

You see, a couple thousand years ago this guy named Jesus got himself crucified to forgive everyone's sins. There were some conditions here though, but small price to pay in the grand scheme of things.

You see, his followers came up with this concept of Original Sin. That is this sin that every human is born with due to the actions of the first humans on Earth. All they needed for this to be forgiven was to be baptized. That's pretty much it.

When I tell you that the gods were pissed when they found out about me using this, I mean they were pissed. One of them is still making the rest of the human race suffer for this.

Meanwhile I get stuffed into this tiny oil lamp. Sure I can come out sometimes, but staying out long term means getting someone to rub it.

Anyway, I can see I'm boring you so I'll let you get back to work. Could you get my neck a bit more? Ten thousand years cramped in a lamp will give you such a crick in the neck.