Everything was going fine and normal in the inky depths of the Deep Void. Imps were making their daily commute to earth, rookie daemons were picking new witches to posses, and Yahweh was still throwing rocks at the earth, hoping that Jupiter wouldn't intercept them. Zazyn, however, was panicking right now. He had been mostly forgotten for millennia, and was still very much enjoying the luxury of an early retirement, slowly eating away at his bank account of souls until he decided to start his career back up in a couple centuries, but it turned out that Fate had different plans for him. At three in the morning, (because apparently humans think all Devils are insomniacs,) his phone had started buzzing like crazy, and when he rolled over to check, the last thing he expected to see was a "New Follower! :3" notification from the universe itself. He quickly jumped out of bed and threw on a fairly nice suit, had all the necessary info faxed to him, and took off running to earth. As he bolted across the Ethereal Warp, he went over all the necessary information about his new High Priestess. "Eva Newing, 19 years old, lives in LA," he muttered to himself. "Because of course the only new daemon worshipper would live in LA. Satan's asscrack, who the fuck even worships daemons anymore?" As he approached the portal, he tried to pull himself together into the proper "high-and-mighty" deity that he is. He took a deep breath, and stepped through the portal. The first thing he noticed when he walked through was the smell. Contrary to what he expected, it smelled nice, which meant that it was definitely not in LA, or at least not the city proper. That was good. It meant that his new priestess at least had the common sense to summon him somewhere secluded. The second thing he noticed was all the candles. "That must be why it smells nice," he thought, before looking down, and seeing a truly grisly sight. He was standing in a pile of gore, almost up to his knees. He would have gagged if he had a mouth, but this form didnt seem to. Before he could properly process what was happening, a girl in a crimson robe stepped forward out of the shadows. She would have been tall for a human, but seemed short to Zazyn. She pulled back her hood to reveal traditional human light brown skin, blonde hair, and startling greenish yellow eyes. "We have awaited your arrival for a long time, oh great omnipotent one." While speaking, she fell onto her knees and began to bow to him, much to his great disgust. "We will continue to serve you until our last breathe. You are our only reason for life, just as you give it, oh glorious one. We-" Zazyn told her to stop and give him some time to think. "What is wrong, my lord?" She asked, clearly confused. Another cult member walked in then, wearing the same crimson cloak, and holding a glass container with a green axolotl for some reason. Zazyn sighed, and said "First off, why the hell am I standing in a pile of organs?" They both seemed to grow considerably more confused at this, giving each other a quizzical look, before the boy spoke up, slightly stuttering. "We... thought the human sacrifices were what attracted you. Are they not?" At this, Zazyn nearly altered his physical form just so he could have the ability to puke. "Of course not! Nice food and shit attracts me! Not bloodshed! I'm not Khorne for fuck's sake!" Both of the humans seemed to be terrified at this sudden outburst, but staged where they stood. "Then... what does attract you? What did we do right?" The girl said. Zazyn searched around at his feet until he found a single Jolly Rancher stuck between two stone bricks on the floor. "This." He said, brandishing the cherry flavoured candy to the two acolytes. "This attracted me. Not the needless violence. I'm the god of food. Drink. Revelry. You could have just dropped an empty bottle of beer at my shrine and it would've counted to call me here." The girl (who Zazyn was now sure was Eva) and her (presumably) brother looked at the candy with a strange look for a few seconds, before the brother spoke again. "So, you're not going to help us destroy our enemies? You aren't going to smite the heretics?" Zazyn was flabbergasted. In the past, he was just summoned to help people have a good time. Whether it was turning a well into a spring of natural wine, or just producing some condoms for a drunk couple, he was never asked to harm anyone. "And I assumed the Romans were the weirdest I was going to have to deal with..." he thought to himself. He considered this for a second, the pleading looks of the siblings boring into his head. "Fine." He finally said. "I signed the contract. I agreed to this. I suppose there's nothing I can really do to get out of it." He could see their eyes light up as he said this. "What do you two need?"

POWER!

Yes sweet Power! after hundreds of years an offering at last.

Let me return to the mortal realm.

I feel my essence being drained, sucked away to my offering alter stone, able to manifest to my priest's.

After an age it will be nice to see the world again, I wonder whom I shall be in service this time. As im able to form into the world again my eyes take in two figures one tall the other still a child.

Ah the tall one, a fierce warrior- their face decorated in war paint, the hair a shocking color, the style of cloths seems a bit heavy on metal studs but I care not at last a new high Priest- wait how strange I was mistaken it is a women, it matters not to me, my new high PRIESTESS.

The other serves her or maybe serves to bother her, he is always asking questions of her, garbing her robes, pointing at things, but as befitting my high priestess she takes it all with Grace.

My form is weak and I feel they cant see me, I seem to be almost transparent, the offering must have been small, I think to my self, I also seem to be smaller then I remember.

I turn and come face to face with a monstrous lizard, its eyes blank of expression but I know murderous intent when I see it, of course my priestess must need me to vanquish this foe and had no time to prepare an offering of the right proportions.

I transmute myself and hope to steal the air from its lungs, but the beast rears up and charges towards the water! ha you will need to come up for air at some point I will wait.

Oh it mocks me, its settles like a rock to the bottom of the water and floats watching me, I'm tethered to what seems like a small stone, that only after some trial and error find its a broken piece of my offering alter, how many years has passed? how much time has passed since my foe sank below the water?

My high Priestess calls out in a tongue I don't know and gestures at the creature, I strain to hear and understand but the meaning eludes me, so I settle in to wait and watch for movement from my adversary.

"Billy I know you are excited to help feed my new pet axolotl but you cant give them gummy fish, looks now its stuck to this rock, you better hope he doesn't eat it"

The Goddess of Cupcakes, which came into being eons before cupcakes had even been invented, was relegated to urban legend and scoffed at by most historians as a fictitious idol created by humorists in the early twentieth century.

It was then that She, to Her delighted amusement, awoke to find that little girl placing that cupcake at Her stool.

“Here you go.”

“Uh, well… thank you, I suppose.”

“Huh?!”

Sara hadn’t expected that. Not at all.

Sure, Sara had done randomly intensive research online about Her, but then, that was just blogs and records of Her presence from God-knows-how-long ago, and it being miles away from where Sara lived just meant she had to go.

She just wasn’t religious, just curious, so to see this —

But none of that mattered now. She was speaking with a goddess.

“So… you’re actually real? I’m not imagining this?”

“No more than you imagine you were a famous actress.”

“How do you—?!”

“It’s pretty much our thing to read minds.”

“Fair, but that begs the question… can you make me a famous actress?”

“I can try.”

The Goddess raised Her hands, unearthly mist rising from the ground… and nothing happened.

“Did… did it happen? Am I famous?”

The Goddess glared at Her hands. “No, I’m afraid not. It seems I have gotten rusty in the time I was not active in the human realm.”

Mia walks back home, hoping to enjoy some peace & quite, but is instead greeted by NuKo, a hovering humanoid like snapping turtle. “Where in the hell have you been?! You arrived 5 minutes later than usual!” “Probably was because I petted a cat on my way back.” A small boy pops up from a bush “A cat?! Those are the spawn of ChazOp!” “What have you been telling him?” “You mean educate?” Mia pushes away NuKo & walks over to the kitchen. An Axolotl flats by & stares at Mia. “Did you seriously have to give Apple your gOdLY powers?” “Yes! He’s a worshiper of mine, how could I not bestow powers?” “While it is nice of you, it’s a bit annoying having him constantly hover around me for food.” “Tis but a small inconvenience.” Mia throws Apple a worm & he catches it. “I know you’re a forgotten god an all, but do you seriously have to bug me so much after I put one piece of candy in your shrine?” “It is my duty! I am the god of Order & Protection! It is my duty to protect my high priestess & bestow my followers powers to become guardians!” “All because a piece of candy.” “Candy was merely the activator, I knew you were worthy the first moment I saw you!” “Whatever.” Mia goes up to her room munching down on a sandwich while doing homework.

NuKo, phases through her floor. “What the fuck?!” “You seem tired.” “No shit.” Mia tries to ignore NuKo. “You really need to get out of this house.” “What are you? My parents?” “No, but you could try having fun. Living a life without fun is not healthy.” “Oh really now.” “Yes, just look at your brother.” Mia looks out the window to see her brother chasing Apple. “Too many young ones grow up to forget what it was like to be a child, to be free. And look at you now, shackled to your room doing this dreadful homework!” “Well i can’t just put it off.” “Well didn’t you already finish all the homework you needed to do for this week.” “This is next week’s homework.” NuKo gives his judgment stare. “…fine! I see the problem!” Mia puts away the homework. “What should I do almighty NuKo?” “Great question!” NuKo floats to Mia’s window & points outside. Mia looks out the window & sees some fish swimming in the sky. “What the?” “I made them. Here’s a gun.” NuKo throws a pistol over to Mia. “Bro what the hell?! Where did you get this?!” “Relax! I simply made the instrument myself, it won’t harm anyone. Just shoot the fish.” “Wha?” “SHOOT.” Mia jumps & shoots a fish, it explodes into confetti. “Oh, that’s cool.” “Right?” Mia begins shooting some more. She shoots at plenty of the fish, smiling too. “See, fun is fun.” “Eh, your not wrong.” NuKo sits down at the edge of Mia’s window, watching her enjoy herself. “Is there any other games you got?” “I could gift you the ability of invisibility or flight.” “Now we’re talking!” NuKo grins.

"I was enjoying solitude," you complain to Sobek and Frigga over mugs of honeydew. "I didn't have... obligations. You know, the boons. The smiting."

"I always did enjoy a good smiting," Frigga chuckles.

Sobek hisses amusedly, mead running down his snout. "There are only threeee of them! Sssso it could be worssssse. Low expectationssss. I like the axolotllll though. Nicccce fellow."

"This whole setup seems... familiar somehow, though," you ponder. "A teenager girl? Summoning a deity? Quirky siblings with a cute animal sidekick? Come on guys... you know I'm not one of those omniscient deities."

"Ohhhhhhh..." Frigga suddenly looks hugely awkward; it's a slightly terrifying sight on a senior deity. The crocodile's tail twitches in confusion. You both look at her expectantly as she snaps her fingers. "Benzaiten! You around? Got a minute?"

A sudden vapour coalesces into a beautiful woman: Benzaiten, the Japanese goddess of creativity and art. "Frigga! What a pleasure! What can I offer you?"

Frigga explains your situation. "... and there is a cute pet. An axolotl."

Benzaiten laughs, the sound of a thousand silver bells in perfect unison. "Ah, I see. So amusing! The girl, manifesting power at her age of adolescence. You see, it is an anime!"

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