Everything was going fine and normal in the inky depths of the Deep Void. Imps were making their daily commute to earth, rookie daemons were picking new witches to posses, and Yahweh was still throwing rocks at the earth, hoping that Jupiter wouldn't intercept them. Zazyn, however, was panicking right now. He had been mostly forgotten for millennia, and was still very much enjoying the luxury of an early retirement, slowly eating away at his bank account of souls until he decided to start his career back up in a couple centuries, but it turned out that Fate had different plans for him. At three in the morning, (because apparently humans think all Devils are insomniacs,) his phone had started buzzing like crazy, and when he rolled over to check, the last thing he expected to see was a "New Follower! :3" notification from the universe itself. He quickly jumped out of bed and threw on a fairly nice suit, had all the necessary info faxed to him, and took off running to earth. As he bolted across the Ethereal Warp, he went over all the necessary information about his new High Priestess. "Eva Newing, 19 years old, lives in LA," he muttered to himself. "Because of course the only new daemon worshipper would live in LA. Satan's asscrack, who the fuck even worships daemons anymore?" As he approached the portal, he tried to pull himself together into the proper "high-and-mighty" deity that he is. He took a deep breath, and stepped through the portal. The first thing he noticed when he walked through was the smell. Contrary to what he expected, it smelled nice, which meant that it was definitely not in LA, or at least not the city proper. That was good. It meant that his new priestess at least had the common sense to summon him somewhere secluded. The second thing he noticed was all the candles. "That must be why it smells nice," he thought, before looking down, and seeing a truly grisly sight. He was standing in a pile of gore, almost up to his knees. He would have gagged if he had a mouth, but this form didnt seem to. Before he could properly process what was happening, a girl in a crimson robe stepped forward out of the shadows. She would have been tall for a human, but seemed short to Zazyn. She pulled back her hood to reveal traditional human light brown skin, blonde hair, and startling greenish yellow eyes. "We have awaited your arrival for a long time, oh great omnipotent one." While speaking, she fell onto her knees and began to bow to him, much to his great disgust. "We will continue to serve you until our last breathe. You are our only reason for life, just as you give it, oh glorious one. We-" Zazyn told her to stop and give him some time to think. "What is wrong, my lord?" She asked, clearly confused. Another cult member walked in then, wearing the same crimson cloak, and holding a glass container with a green axolotl for some reason. Zazyn sighed, and said "First off, why the hell am I standing in a pile of organs?" They both seemed to grow considerably more confused at this, giving each other a quizzical look, before the boy spoke up, slightly stuttering. "We... thought the human sacrifices were what attracted you. Are they not?" At this, Zazyn nearly altered his physical form just so he could have the ability to puke. "Of course not! Nice food and shit attracts me! Not bloodshed! I'm not Khorne for fuck's sake!" Both of the humans seemed to be terrified at this sudden outburst, but staged where they stood. "Then... what does attract you? What did we do right?" The girl said. Zazyn searched around at his feet until he found a single Jolly Rancher stuck between two stone bricks on the floor. "This." He said, brandishing the cherry flavoured candy to the two acolytes. "This attracted me. Not the needless violence. I'm the god of food. Drink. Revelry. You could have just dropped an empty bottle of beer at my shrine and it would've counted to call me here." The girl (who Zazyn was now sure was Eva) and her (presumably) brother looked at the candy with a strange look for a few seconds, before the brother spoke again. "So, you're not going to help us destroy our enemies? You aren't going to smite the heretics?" Zazyn was flabbergasted. In the past, he was just summoned to help people have a good time. Whether it was turning a well into a spring of natural wine, or just producing some condoms for a drunk couple, he was never asked to harm anyone. "And I assumed the Romans were the weirdest I was going to have to deal with..." he thought to himself. He considered this for a second, the pleading looks of the siblings boring into his head. "Fine." He finally said. "I signed the contract. I agreed to this. I suppose there's nothing I can really do to get out of it." He could see their eyes light up as he said this. "What do you two need?"