"Oh, here we go again," I said, as yet another goddamn middle-aged Japanese man came storming into my office. "Hello," I said. "Welcome to the Osaka Branch of the Heavenly Love Warrior Office. My name is Ker-"

"You fucking monster!" the fat ugly bastard shouted. He got up all in my face and pointed his finger at my nose. "How DARE you recruit my daughter to fight your wars! Why, if I had a gun I'd. . ."

"Oh, FUCK OFF!" I snarled back. "You think I like it any better? Listening to helium-voiced little Japanese girls going 'kyaa!' and 'mouuuuu' and whining about how fighting monsters is going to ruin their date with some mealy-mouthed preteen boy with a mashed-potato sandwich personality? But if you haven't noticed, you self-righteous prick, THIS IS A MAGICAL GIRL UNIVERSE!"

The fat old fuck immediately recoiled in shock, the world behind him turning jet black with a single line of light slashing through it. "GAAACK!" he gasped. "I never THOUGHT OF THAT!"

"Well, you SHOULD have! Like it or not, we are NOT the main characters here! Your daughter. . . who is your daughter, again?"

"K-kumiko Nakagawa," the old fucker sweated.

"Ah. Magical Love Archer Cutie Sweet Cupid. She's fantastic, by the way. . . ANYWAY! This is NOT about you being protective of your daughter. This is NOT about me supposedly 'needing warriors' to fight against monsters from the Hate Dimensions. What this is about is Kumiko. This is her journey of growth and discovery. HER allegory for the struggles and tribulations of growing from girlhood into adulthood. And you are NOT going to ruin that for her by being overprotective, just as you HAVE been since her mother passed away!"

"She's fighting MONSTERS!" the bald fuck whined.

"And she's KICKING THEIR ASSES!" I pointed out. "She's gaining confidence in her ability to stand up for herself and face her fears. You and I might prefer if she never had to do that, but given that this is a magical girl series, she's gonna fight monsters, and she's doing an excellent job of it." I glared at him over the tops of my magical glasses. "And don't think you're gonna get away with buying a gun and fighting the demons yourself or some shit. Hate Dimension Demons can only be defeated by the True Light of Love from the Sweet Cupid Arrow Strike."

"She's my daughter," the old man complained. "I worry about her."

"Then why the fuck aren't you talking to her about this? You know, the way a real parent would? Supporting her through her struggles, listening to her problems, being there when she needs you? But no. You have to go and lash out like some big macho man without considering her feelings first. Dick."

Kumiko's dad sweated silently for a moment. "Does she HAVE to wear that short skirt?" he asked plaintively.

"Magical Love Archer Cutie Sweet Cupid's outfit is a reflection of what she views as maturity and power. Which in your daughter's case, does happen to be a short skirt, similar to one worn by the pop idols and music stars she idolizes. I know that doesn't reflect well on how our culture views female maturity, but I'm just here to defeat the Hate Dimensions, not undo thousands of years of cultural baggage."

The bald guy stood up and walked to the door of my office. He paused with one hand on the door. "You're not some intergalactic monster who's secretly harvesting my daughter's misery for power, are you?"

". . . No. Get out."

He did. I buried my face in my hands. "Fucking Kyuubey ruining this shit for the rest of us. . . Old fashioned, wholesome magical girl agencies can't do shit these days." I sighed.