(couldn't resist making this into a "comedy" type thing, not just for the joke, but because I was watching B99)

Dear Diary:So everyone knows by this point that Vampireson McVampire is, well a vampire, I mean, Fist of all, he was like 90 years old when he started working in the store, and he has been working there for like 50 years or so, I mean, kind of a red flag there.Second of all His name is Vampireson McVampire, like, who has THAT name, It's ridiculous.Or the time he drank a whole bottle of ketchup and said "hey! this isn't blood" just to correct himself and assure that "he didn't drink blood, because only a vampire would do such a thing, and he wasn't one"And, well, the fact that he has already transformed into a vampire, and I've watched him sucking the blood out of rats behind the store (and Jeffree, but nobody liked him).But, In all seriousness, Mr McVampire Is not a bad person, he has been Employee of the Month for 47 years consecutively, and by this point, everyone knows him and he is truly one of the most liked people in this town.The other day, I forgot my wallet at home, and he just gave me my Doritos and sprite "on the house" because he is THAT kind of good old man.The problem is that Ms Williams (who's such a Karen BTW) called the vampire hunters, and no one has the heart to rat out Mr McVampire.I mean, he's pretty harmless, he wouldn't hurt a fly, a rat maybe, but a fly, never.Even Mr Williams is mad at her, because who in the world would do such a thing to a man so sweet?And now, the guys and I are thinking of a plan to save Mr McVampire, because even though he thinks he "hides it well" we all know he does not.

(Edit: Spelling)