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Tartahyuga t1_itul018 wrote

"... Are you fucking serious?"

The succcubus shook her head. "I'm dead serious."

I took a pause ans sat on the bed. "It's been 34 years" I replied after a long pause.

"Doesn't really matter anymore I'm afraid. At this point everyone wants you because everyone wants you, the original reason is... Pretty much irrelevant. I'm fairly sure half of them don't even know it"

"And that's the reason you approached me?"

She scoffed. "Why else? Just hanging around with you is enough to raise my status"

I sighed "And what's in for me?"

"You'll be considered off limits. It will discourage most of them from even approaching and those who do will have to be more discreeti. You'll have your precious break and i'll be able to gloat my accomplishment at every fae gathering for the next decade or so."

I considered the option. I wasn't exactly thrilled to marry a succubus, even if it was a sham marriage. Making deals with devils isn't a smart idea, but worst comes to shove, i'll only have to deal with ONE supernatural. Not much to lose at this point. "I'll be the one to draft the contract."

She waved her hand "As you wish, darling"

I picked up a sheet of paper and scribbled a first draft.

I still had a hard time believing everything started because the fairy queen said "this is the cutest baby i've ever seen". Fucking fae

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jamiez1207 t1_itupm1q wrote

Hilarious

Fucking fae

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Golanm16 t1_itw5kfj wrote

Where is this line from?

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Fjorden t1_itwdmed wrote

I got you fam

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AMultitudeofPandas t1_itwijc1 wrote

I have no award for you, but I have this: 👌

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Fjorden t1_itwip2u wrote

You savage, I'm missing a couple of those

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NotAMeatPopsicle t1_itx20jh wrote

You'll need this to fit in it. 🤞

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Fjorden t1_itx4x85 wrote

Im missing my ring and middle, no need for the pointer!🤟

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NotAMeatPopsicle t1_iu133mh wrote

Must be a story behind that.

True story: my grandfather was a mechanic and sliced his thumb off. My father had to drive him to the hospital while my grandfather held his thumb in one hand.

There were two stretchers that night.

Once at the hospital, my dad passed out and broke his nose. They kept my dad for observation of concussion.

My grandfather had his thumb sewn back on and released him. My dad was out of the hospital last because of observation time and operated to fix his nose.

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Fjorden t1_iu13ri2 wrote

Hahaha your poor dad! My coworker had almost the same reaction when my fingers got caught in the log splitter!

The dummy freaked out, turned the machine off, and sprinted to the work truck to drive me to the hospital. What he seemed to have forgotten was that although my hand wasn't still in the splitter, my fingers were dangling in the glove tips underneath the blade. xD

I had to rip start the damn thing, move the blade up, then peel my fingers off the log. What a day!

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NotAMeatPopsicle t1_iu14ny8 wrote

LoL, I was recently taught how to use an old log splitter. The machine is probably from the 70s. Awesome retired CalFire trainer was very clear about not putting my fingers near the splitter... For that exact reason.

He also preferred to build callouses over wearing gloves.

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Fjorden t1_iu158fh wrote

Those are the scary ones haha. If the logsplitters on its side, you're losing fingers and hands, if its vertical, you're losing that plus toes. Scary machines.

I ran one for 'bout eighteen years, all it takes is one slip, and its life-changing. In my case, I slipped on some ice, caught myself on the log with my left hand and unfortunately, the down lever for the hydraulics with my right.

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NotAMeatPopsicle t1_iu17r9o wrote

The hydraulic control lever fell off at one point. I had to find the rod that held it in and it was still missing the pin that kept it from slipping out 😅

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wolfgang784 t1_itv0tfr wrote

That really does fit with some versions of the Fae lol. Such a simple reason for decades of trouble.

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Pinkbeans1 t1_itvhngr wrote

Careful with vague exclamations. That’s how he got in to this mess.

Really good story.

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USPO-222 t1_itwcpyg wrote

I mean he’s marrying a succubus, he will be fucking fae.

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SignificantScore5310 t1_ituvh6n wrote

*discrete

That's fun. Fucking fae.

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Layk1eh t1_itv1ivu wrote

Discrete is for numbers, discreet is for looks.

Last line has charmed everyone lolol

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SignificantScore5310 t1_itv3drl wrote

Wait, really? TIL then. I was taught there was only one spelling for that. You should still take the letter i off the end, though. You have discreeti.

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Mand125 t1_itvmjm0 wrote

It’s when your djinn takes a subtle approach.

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Finn-windu t1_itwe73b wrote

Just googled it. Discrete means separate, while discreet means unobtrusive. So not quite numbers vs. looks, but for moat of what people use it for, discreet is the correct word.

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TheBlackestofKnights t1_ityrt4f wrote

>"this is the cutest baby i've ever seen".

Watch out Titania, Oberon might get jealous again.

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2Ben3510 t1_ityx92j wrote

If push comes to shove. Worst comes to shove is meaningless.
Fun story otherwise!

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