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IvoMiata t1_iycjxj2 wrote

If anyone had asked me what horror was, up to half a minute ago I would have definitely answered something on the lines of "demons" or "zombie apocalypse".

But nothing could have prepared me for the shock of seeing two identical faces, two indistinguishable beings staring back at me from the yellowed photograph that fell out of my wife's sister memorial.

The more I stare at the picture, though, the more subtle differences I notice. I could definitely tell my wife from her twin in the picture; maybe for the fact that her smile never had that grinny appearance, maybe because her eyes are a lighter shade of brown...
Wait, what color are my wife's eyes?
With all the commotion, I haven't had time to notice, lately. I always complimented her about the expression of her eyes, their ability to communicate her feelings, her emotions to whoever she was talking to.

As I turn the picture over, a single sentence made the last of my securities disappear:

​

"I have always admired you. Always wanted to be like you. Always wanted to be YOU".

​

>!This is my first time ever writing anything. Comments are very appreciated, as is any constructive criticism. I know I am not a good writer, but I would really like to get better and write something for fun. Thanks!!<

EDIT: Wow, the support and constructive criticism of this sub never ceases to amaze me! Thanks to everyone who took a couple of minutes of their time to give me a piece of their insight, to provide an external point of view or to show their appreciation!

EDIT 2.0: An award?? I'm flabbergasted, everyone! Thank you all for the support, advice and encouragement!!

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humanpersonguy69 t1_iycmjc0 wrote

I thought this was great, that last line gave me the chills even! It's really fitting when thinking about what's going through a complete psychopath's mind.

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Ataraxidermist t1_iycz34m wrote

Good idea and great way to finish the short with that sentence at the back of the photo. it would have had a greater effect if the story had been a tad longer, for the buildup. But that's really polishing, it's a nice start.

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IvoMiata t1_iyd47he wrote

Thank you for the suggestion! I kept it short because I thought that longer could spoil the finale!
Will keep it in mind if I ever try again!

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Know_Your_Rites t1_iye06he wrote

I quite enjoyed this. If you're wondering "am I good enough at writing for practicing to be worthwhile," I'd say the answer is yes.

By way of constructive criticism: this is very short, and as a result feels like it blows through the relevant realization (first the twins are identical, then some differences are noted, then "I could definitely tell" them apart, all within a couple sentences). But everything scans well, and the end, while cheesy, does exactly what you want it to.

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IvoMiata t1_iye4vv4 wrote

I know this is short, and in hindsight I should have taken some more time to express the realization better. I think your suggestion is going to be very precious in my steps to try and put my imagination into words! Thanks for your time 😊

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Know_Your_Rites t1_iye7i6g wrote

Given the forum and the audience, erring on the side of brevity is rarely going to be the wrong move here. So don't worry about it too much, just keep it in mind for other contexts.

And I'm happy to help! I posted my first WP response a couple weeks ago and I found myself wishing there were more action items in the comments I got, so I figured others might feel the same.

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jamesconleysr t1_iydxobd wrote

Wow .. no words ... shivers ... im like where is the book ... where is the movie ? lol

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IvoMiata t1_iye4ywv wrote

Thanks for the appreciation, it has great value for me 🙏

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kifall t1_iye1z9s wrote

Somewhere is the distance, a soft song can be heard.. "oh, oobe doo I wan'na be like yooouuu"

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saucyshyster t1_iye0lsd wrote

Well I was hooked and ready to go buy the book so keep writing!!

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IvoMiata t1_iye540s wrote

Thank you for your kind support! Receiving so much positive feedback is surely motivational! ☺️

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Cannelloni1 t1_iyegn0d wrote

This feels like it could be either a really good horror story, or a post in r/relationship_advice

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Fabulous-Pause4154 t1_iye5rna wrote

She had Betty Davis eyes?

&#x200B;

{I reference a song and a movie simultaneously!}

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