"STOP! STOP! STOP IT!" I screamed at the top of my lungs

They all just froze bickering turned into confused stares as they didn't know what to do about the at this point calm detective loosing his- OH WHO THE FUCK CARES ABOUT A NARRATION "THIS BOOK IS A GOD DAMN MESS!"

"What are you talking about? What book?" The butler asked

"THIS BOOK! THE BOOK WE'RE CHARACTERS OF! THIS SHITTY WRITTEN BOOK!"

"Detective Jones," Mrs Banelby the now ex-wife said "this is reality"

"NO IT'S NOT AND YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW? YOU! FATMAN!"

Charlie Banelby the victims brother was aghast at the comment on his size "Me?" He inquired.

"YOU FOUND THE BODY OF YOUR BROTHER WHERE?"

"The second floor..." he whimpered out.

"YES THE SECOND FLOOR AND YOU SAID HE WAS STABBED YES?"

"Yes, yes he was stabbed we know that" sneered the Olivia the victim's mistress

"OKAY HE WAS STABBED ON THE SECOND FLOOR AND YET! WHEN I LEAVE THE MURDER ROOM, OH LOOK STAIRS 4 FLOORS WORTH OF STAIRS! WE ARE AT THE TOP! THE FRONT DOOR IS AT THE FLOOR BELOW US, AND I WALK BACK INTO THE ROOM AND OUT THE WINDOW I SEE A FOUR STORIE TALL BUILDING! AND WE'RE AT THE TOP!"

"Okay sir you need to calm down" the bu-

"QUIT WITH THE NARRATION I SAID! AND THE MURDER WEAPON. WE KNOW IT WAS THE SWORD AT THE TOP OF THE FIREPLACE WHOEVER! IT'S A FUCKING PLASTIC SWORD! NOT SHARP, NOT METAL, AND YET FITS PERFECTLY IN THE WOUND TO A T!"

"This whole case is a giant contrivance, this was a dinner party the murder happened 20 minutes ago and it's currently what time?"

"...12:41 pm"

"12:41 PM! ALSO THINK ABOUT THIS ONE WE'RE ALL STEREOTYPES! THE EX-WIFE, THE JEALOUS FAT BROTHER, THE MISTRESS, THE OLD LADY WHO ACTUALLY DID IT SPOILER ALERT!, AND THE RED HERRING BUTLER! WHO THE FUCK WROTE THIS SHIT?"

I did, also... with the snap of the authors fingers the narration was back, Yo

"OH SO YOU'RE THE AUTHOR!" Detective Davis exclaimed slowly losing his mind "HEY!"

Yep

"I ONLY HAVE ONE QUESTION FOR YOU? WHY!" The Detective said about to manhandle the author

Reddit.

"What?" Whispered the author

This was just for a reddit writing prompt, it asked for a self aware detective in a contrived murder mystery, and it was only until last minute I realized i can't do this properly sooo...

The Detective took a step back as the existential dread settled in.

yeah and this has become way to meta for my taste so, for those who've read this i say this with the deepest part of my heart Downvote this to oblivion, legitimately do that i don't have the talent to make stuff like this...