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missbrighteyes86 t1_iycit8a wrote

When he got the publishing deal I really was excited for him. And I honestly had meant to read more of it. I cared-a lot. But making time to read had been hard. I thought I'd read enough to catch the gist of it but now...wow. I did not get to dig into the context the first time.

I stared at the last page feeling a strong mix of emotions-at least a few variations of guilt. I never felt like I failed to appreciate him, but taking so long to have read this weighed heavily on me. He'd deserved more enthusiasm from me. More authentic engagement. And he even seemed like he believed that I understood it. Now that I have...my response at that time just hadn't been enough.

When I first picked it up it felt like a whole different book but as I read I came across the parts I actually had made a few moments to read before-only with different clarity. The depth he'd...already given.

That I hadn't made the time to see the first time. Ugh.

Right then an app notification went off. I knew without looking it meant he'd pulled into the driveway. It was about that time of the day. I scurried to put the book away so that I could look normalish when he walked in.

I'd already decided days ago that I would address it today but I wanted to be tactful about it.

I heard him come in and hang his coat, just as he always did. Alright. Acting casual. Casual. "Hi baby! How are you?" I leaned in to peck him on the cheek and he returned in kind. I gave him the same hug as ever-full of sincerity.

"Oh, you finished the book."

"Uhm. What. I-"

"You did finish it right?"

"No I-yea befor- I-what. I-how could you-"

"Because I can see it in your eyes. The click. You're doing the fangirl look."

"No I'm n-"

"I knew you'd like it. It's about time you actually did read it. Not surprised you took so long. You've had a lot on your plate."

"You're not upset? I feel so guilty."

"Good.", he said with a wink, "Next time don't wait so long."

"Oh yay. So you're writing another one then?"

"Of course you hadn't noticed. Juuust kidding, I'm just starting it. What's for dinner?"

"Uhhh. I...didn't cook. I'm so- are you ok with pizza...? You see what I mean. I should've-you deserve-"

"Sounds good to me. Pizza works. And stop looking at me like that. I'm still the same person."

"That's just it," I pout, "I've been taking you for granted. You've been this person the whole time all...talented and look at me, married to a hotshot author acting like you're any ol' body."

"Uh I prefer it that way, so really if you could go back to that it'd be terrific. And you've always looked at me doe-eyed anyways- so who're we doing for pizza?"

"Nuh uhhh...I dooo not-...I just-I love you."

"I love you too. Pizza?"

"Ok yea. Pizza. Right. And tomorrow-what do you want me to cook? Anything you want. Anything."

"How long are you gonna be like this?"

"Forever probably. Or next week. So-pepperoni?"

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