I bet you didn't know that gods die.

It's true.

I mean, who wants to live forever? Right?

Well, it turns out that when gods decide they're ready to hang up that infinite power and turn in their lifelong place in mythology, they get to make a choice.

And that's how a mere mortal, like me, gets the chance to become something else.

So one day when I woke up to a note that gave me twenty four hours to set my affairs in order, I brushed it off. What kind of affairs does a guy like me have to put in order anyway? Twenty five hours later, I was imbued with unnatural power.

By whom, you ask?

Thor? Jupiter? Anubis?

No, not for a guy like me. The big guns don't come out for me. Oh no, someone else had their eye on me. That would be Hypnos. The god of sleep.

Sounds sweet, doesn't it? God of sleep? Who doesn't want that?!

Turns out that no one knows the god of sleep. They pray to mighty Melatonin, the amazing Ambien now. Not that many people pray to any of the gods. But it's nice to be known and aside from about a dozen professors who teach me for a half hour to classes of hungover college kids, no one knows. Or cares.

A year.

It's been a year and it's easy to remember that, cause I had twenty four hours from the morning of Christmas Eve to put my affairs in order.

I woke up on Christmas in the realm of the gods, never to see home again.

I never really thought I would miss it, you know? Why would I? I don't think you get picked by the god of sleep because you're living your best life. Not sure it's a badge of honor. The way everyone in this place looks at me, it definitely doesn't feel like it.

So today I wake up as this god of sleep, as Hypnos. I open my eyes and stare at the black stone ceiling of my cave, that's right, a cave. I sigh and rub my face in the darkness. Another day. Why Hypnos doesn't like light, I will never know. Seriously, I won't. Cause he's dead.

And I'm him.

That still doesn't sit right.

I sit up in the bed, you think it would be more comfortable for the god of sleep, and swing my legs off the edge and plant them on the cool stone floor. What I wouldn't give for a rug. I stand and take a tentative step forward and I kick something. It skids across the floor and I'm confused.

I don't have anything to kick.

Just an empty room with a bed.

I stumble around until I find the one cord that hangs from the rock, and I tug it. It opens a series of horizontal hatches, almost like blinds, with mirrors that allow light in, the one thing I actually like about this cave. It's a very cool setup to get light in.

It reveals a bare stone room with a bed and a pillow, and a small wardrobe that holds all of my two changes of clothes.

And a present.

A brightly wrapped, red and green present. Tied with a silver bow. It gleams in the light and I stare at it. Yeah, it's Christmas morning, but I haven't had a present that I didn't buy myself in years. So...where the hell did this come from?

I pick it up and turn it over. Feels heavy. And there's a tag on the top, attached to the bow.

From Santa

I laugh. Someone is pulling my leg. Alright. That's better than total indifference, which has been the usual from the rest of the gods in this realm. I sit on the edge of my bed and tear at the paper and bow, revealing a book and a handwritten letter. And a small tin of cookies.

I blink at the pile of goodies. I open the letter and see beautiful, spidery writing.

Welcome to the family.

Everything is what you make of it.

-Klaus

Alright.

Now I have questions.

For the first time, I have an interest in this realm. There's something to figure out. I mean, it was quick enough to find out that Odin and Thor are real, and both of them are real assholes. Zeus? Even worse. Turns out infinite power and infinite lifetime does not do favors for personality.

But Santa, Santa is real?

Now that, that I gotta learn more about.

I pick up the book and turn it over to the spine.

Myths and Legends, Gods and Greatness

S Klaus

That does not answer any questions, it only leaves more. There's a connection to the mortal realm and that means...maybe I can get back there.

I never thought these words would be in my mind in this particular order, not ever in my life.

But, this god needs to track down Santa to get some answers.

And maybe I can return the book and he can gift me a mattress. I grab a change of clothes and dress myself, something bland, just like my little cavern of darkness. I stop at the entry and steel my nerves to go be amongst actual gods, while I look for the one god I used to believe in.

And I know one thing for sure.

I'm keeping the cookies.