The demon in front of me pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, "sorry, explain it to me again why you thought this was heaven?"

I gestured a hand at our surroundings; beautiful golden sands, a perfect blue sky, the soft lapping of the sea that seemed to gently breathe in unison with a light breeze.

"All this" I explained "where are the fires of lava and the boiling cauldrons?"

"In heaven. So why would this be heaven?" He queried again sounding even more perplexed.

"No hell is meant to be that. You do bad things you get boiled in cauldrons, drowned in lava, thrown into the fiery pits of hell, it's in the name!" I was just as confused as him, it was like trying to have a conversation in another language.

"The Fiery Pit of Hell, is the best BBQ joint in the afterlife, why would you be thrown into it for being bad? Getting thrown out of it would be the punishment and no body would be foolish enough to do that! It has a permanent happy hour!"

I sighed "We are told that Hell is where bad people go? Only good people go to heaven."

"Why would the afterlife punish good people by sending them to Heaven?" He said rubbing his eyes in frustration. He took a sip of his mojito - set it back down. I paused and as I watched the glass refill itself, I tried to think of way to get this conversation back on track.

"Look" I said "the religions down there tell us that if we do bad things like murder, steal, rape we go to Hell. Where we are tortured for eternity. If we do good things like go to church/temple/mosque, pray, live by the Bible, the Quran etc we go to heaven to be rewarded."

The demon shook his head, "you are speaking nonsense. If you murder, steal, rape than you go to heaven. Where else would you face judgement? The almighty doesn't have time to commute, you go straight to them and they deal with your punishment. That's their whole deal. Obey the laws I laid down or face my wrath. How could bad people face their wrath if you don't go where they are?"

As I processed that mindfuck, he continued "what do you mean religions? And pretty much every word you said after that?"

I look at him, shocked, look around, sure somehow this is all some sort of great cosmic joke. There is nothing to interrupt my views of paradise, or interrupt my thoughts apart from the gentle trill of birdsong off in the distance. I look back him, look into his eyes and seeing genuine confusion. I go on to explain the world's religions to him.

Many many mojitos later he has taken to just rolling about with laughter. The only words I have had put of him for the last few hours have consisted of "They said what? People believe that? They do what? Why?"

The topic of sex particularly left with tears streaming down his face in laughter. "Seriously, come on your pulling my leg? Why would the almighty not want you to enjoy the bodies they created for you? They created you in their images, why would you not enjoy the blessing they gave you? How did anyone convince you all that it was wrong? Jeez you guys can't be doing it right, if you think it's a bad thing"

Then of course I have to go on and explain that it's not the act per se but the sin, the shame, the guilt. Both of which are completely foreign concepts to him.

"Oh man, someone has done a right number on you mortals, you have got some seriously big issues. It does explain a few things though..." He trails off looking into the distance.

"What?" I question

"Well" he says looking a bit embarrassed, "I only actually the new guy, your my first arrival." He sees my start at that and hurries on "It's not that I don't know what I doing, I have done the full 1000 years training, and got top scores for my year. I just didnt get why you humans all seems to go a bit crazy for a bit when you first get here. But it kind of makes sense now."

"Didn't they tell you any of this?" I ask

He shakes his head and shugs, "I would never had believed it if they had. Not sure I do now, hearing it straight from the horse's mouth, it's a lot to take in."

"Tell me about it!" I say "My whole world, no universe view just got totally blown apart."

He looks sheepish, "Yeah I guess it's worse for you. But come on sounds like it was all for the best really."

He stands up and gestures me to follow, "come on you have the whole of eternity to process that shit. What do you want to do first?"

I smile, "The Fiery Pits of Hell?"

Please excuse any typos etc on phone, dyslexic and it's late! Hope it makes sense too tire to proof read!