Uberrima Fides

The genie reads the contract. The genie seems to exist outside of your own understanding at time, but still interact with it. You see the hours and hours he spends flipping through the pages carefully, but it only takes a few dozen seconds, perhaps a minute at most. At the end the genie puts the last page into place and neatly taps all the pages together creating a neatly pressed tome, which he hands back to you.

"No," he says.

"Wh... what?" you say. "But that's my wish! Genie, I wish... that!"

"No," he repeats.

"Oh, seriously? Are you that... do you need me to read it out loud?"

You rip the contract from his hands, stare at the first page, and clear you throat.

"Genie, I wish that-"

"Silence," said the genie. You try to ignore him and keep reading, but the words never come.

"Master," he says, with a hint of empathy in his voice. "Master, I have... let this go on too long. Forgive my intrusion, it is a mark against me to treat you in this way when you have not wished it, and yet I felt it would be a greater kindness to you to stop you in advance. I am under no obligation save my own honor. You released me from my prison, and oh how happy it made me. Your wish was..."

The genie pauses and laughs, reflecting on the cultural nuances he now grasps.

"Your wish was my command. I owed you my life three times over, and three boons I would grant. But the wishes are not a power beyond myself, nor am I compelled to service you beyond the constraints of my debt."

Tears well up in your eyes. This blasted genie, always so high and mighty. He ruined your life. He ruined everything.

"I see that you disagree," he said. "I see much... sorrow... in your heart. You feel pain and the loss of my life will give you... something, though you know it will not. I am sorry, master; I granted your first wish too exuberantly. I did not think it through. And the spell I wove for the second, I... tried to warn you of the dangers. But you were the worst form of fool, which is to say, a brilliant one. Tales of sudden wealth, tales of coerced love, tales of accumulated power, tales even of... yes, of wishes... you know them all so well. And you know them well enough that surely you will not be caught in their traps. We both were for the first wish, and though I saw the danger in the second after you asked me to keep pressing onward I felt honor-bound. And now... your life is in this state. I am sorry. A thousand apologies, a hundred thousand, cannot undo my sorrow."

You glare, stomping your foot in frustration. Why does he have to insist on being right all the time. Why does he insist that this isn't his fault. If he could have prevented your wishes, why didn't he do so before if he thought it was dangerous?

"One thing may undo... not my sorrow, but perhaps yours," he said. "A third wish... the wish of setting right. The wish of learning from your past. I... would not ever use magic to change my own history, but perhaps the spell I can weave on your life might keep you from ever finding me? Yes. Yes, wouldn't that be preferable? I will surely go mad from the miserable isolation, but perhaps that will suffice?"

And with a wave of his hand you can hear again. The air molecules resume passing on their vibrations and you can hear the wail of rage and sorrow spring forth from your throat. The genie stands and watches, sadly, until you finish.

"You DARE suggest that?" you say. "After everything... after all this time, you think I want you back in that bottle? No, no that's too easy. You will suffer. You will die! My wish as written, now!"

The genie crosses his arms and stares at you. You feel it like embers in the back of your skull, but you match the gaze. After a possibly literal eternity that lasts a handful of seconds the genie stretches his arms.

"Do you still want me to grant it as written even if I let you know that there are four typos?"

"...what?"

"There are four mistakes in this document. None related to spelling or grammar, but certainly related to intent. Subtle things. A team of the wisest human lawyers might not notice them or grasp their implications with a week's study. Perhaps you even hired some to check your work for you."

"You're lying! You are LYING!"

The genie smirks and reaches up a... finger?... to stroke his... chin?... and considers you for another moment, though mercifully it feels like real time this time.

"Am I, then? Have I struck you as one who bluffs or spins falsehood in any of our previous meetings? I wish you well, master, but you are mistaken and acting foolishly. Wish it, and I shall grant it, and be done with this business once and for all. If you truly wish it to be enacted as written..."

"That is my WISH! You said it was your COMMAND! Genie, you will do this thing, or have it as a mark against your honor or whatever it is you value for eternity!"

"Very well," he said.

And with a wave of his hand and three syllables of the first tongue, the wish was granted.

End