It was the middle of the night when they met up. It was always the middle of the night. Why, you may ask? Because they would spontaneously combust the second they ever got in contact with the sun. Not even getting severe burns first. Just the second they touch the sun, it’s over. One of them was the third oldest currently living vampire, lord Carvaáles, a vampire that witnessed the beheading of queen Marry and drank coffee with young Hitler in Austria back when he was still an aspiring artist, wearing an old purple cloak decorated with bones. The second was his son, Gourìèl. Even he was old by vampire standards, since his father was a horny teenager back in the day. He wore a tuxedo that was, despite being over a hundred years old, still looking like it just came out of the shop. The third vampire was Gourìèls son, Frank, wearing sweat pants and a Metallica shirt. “Now, my dearest boy, tell us, why have you called an emergency meeting all of a sudden? I have a feast to attend to and the night is not getting any younger!” Carvaáles announced in a raspy, yet wise voice. “Well, you guys remember how we need to drink human blood to live? Which makes us murder a bunch of innocent people?” Frank asked. “That is correct, it is said, however we have to keep doing it, it is our nature. If some higher entity made us like this, then it must be the right path.” His father reassured him about their violent ways. “Yeah… about that… See, one of my human acquaintances, Ashley has this thing called iron insufficiency, so she has to pop pills for it. It also makes her blood not as nutritious. That’s also the reason as to why I stopped when I started sucking her blood when we first met. Anyway-” “Wait hold on. You’re telling me you attacked a human, began drinking their blood, and then stopped, thus letting them know you’re a vampire, while also seeing her?” His father interrupted him swiftly. “Yes. That is exactly what happened between her and I.” “Oh for the love of Dracula, I told you this is what will happen if you father a child of a dumb woman, Gourìèl, the young one has inherited her intellect, or better yet, the lack off.” The elderly jabbed at his only still living son. “Father, we shall not re-open that Pandora’s box. Kriitila is a wonderful woman with whom I’m very pleased with. You’d known that if you actually showed up more. Or if you, you know ATTENDED OUR WEDDING YOUR DEADBEAT ASSHOLE!” “Can I please, for the love of Dracula, finish? I actually have some very important information to share with you two.” Frank requested. “Seeing how I’m in quite of a hurry, let’s let him speak his mind so I can go on with my night as quickly as vampirically possible.” The old one stated. “So anyway, I ate one of those pills by accident, thinking it’s candy-” “What is candy?” Gourìèls wondered. “Sounds tasty.” He also added. “It is, it’s a human thing, but that’s not relevant at the moment. So, I ate one of those pills while I was quite thirsty for blood and wouldn’t you know, I felt less hungry. Then I took two more and I felt like I just sucked an entire human dry. Turns out humans have found a way to take the essence that we need to live and mass produce it. We don’t have to murder people any more.” “That is incredible, what an amazing new discovery! I will definitely try these things.” Carvaáles likes complimenting his grandchild, but he did want to give compliments for a reason and not just throw them around so they’d mean something. And this certainly was worth it. “This… is not a new invention. It’s pretty old. Yeah, we sort of could have stopped killing humans decades ago. But you know, better late than never!” There were suddenly footsteps coming out of the darkness. It was a man with a headlight that was broken. “Oh, I didn’t expect to met other ghost hunters in this abandoned castle. How do you do? The name’s Mickey!” The man presented himself. He had a thick New York accent, a long beard and only a sprinkle worth of grey hair. “Lovely! I have not to find a feast! The feast has found me!” Carvaáles announced. “Time for brunch, father!” His son added as they both pounced on the man. “What the fuck are you two doing? I JUST said we don’t have to eat people any more!” “Oh, you are correct! My apologies, young one, it’s a force of habit! Well, we’ve barely nimbled on him, I am sure he is still alive-” “He’s dead I believe you’ve broke his neck when you jumped on him with such force, father.” Gourìèls interrupted his father amidst a sentence, which he rarely did. “Well, shit happens, just please stop killing people now that we don’t have to.” As both of the older vampires nodded, Gourìèls decided to inquire about the potential length of this meeting. “So, are we done here or is there anything else on the agenda? I’m missing the Vampiric chess world championship over this.” “Well dad, as a matter of fact, there is. There’s actually going to be four of us in the next meeting. I’m having a kid!” “Why that’s amazing, son! I am truly excited!” His father announced. “With Ashley, the human girl!” Frank added. Both of the elder vampires held eye contact for about half a minute and then facepalmed simultaneously. “Oh good lord, he laid in bed with livestock!” Gourìèls groaned. “And now I’m sure they’ll give him some pathetic human name like “Bob” or “Dennis”, the same way you did!” Carvaáles added on. “We’ve been through this, our traditional names don’t blend in with the humans. Do you have any idea how many weird looks I get every time I have to show my ID?” “HER NAME SHALL BE KÄRATĦĨËL, THE EATER OF SOULS, CRUSHER OF NATIONS!!!” Frank yelled as hard as he could. “I suppose some of my common sense skipped a generation!” Carvaáles announced while clapping his wrinkled hands with a giddy smile, seemingly already getting over the fact his great-grandchild will be of mixed blood. “I hate you both.” Gourìèls groaned