Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

ZwhoWrites t1_j1uqfut wrote

Reply to comment by xXTheDarkOneXx_ in [WP] You have the peculiar ability to pause time. Nothing can move, including yourself, meaning all you get is time to think. Today you find yourself paused with a bullet right in front of your eyes. by Votbear

Haha. Thanks!
'I want more' is the one of the best replies a writer can get*.
Having that said, I kind of like the way the story ends right now so I don't think I'll do part 2. Kind of feels like an ending to a sappy romantic comedy movie, which is what I was going for. (plus, writing part 2 is hard :) )

Having that said, I also don't want to be that guy who just replies 'no part 2 for you' so here are some thoughts I had about a hypothetical part 2. It's all half-baked stuff I came up while writing this reply. Still hopefully you'll find it somewhat entertaining.

Maybe they go out and grab that coffee and talk about stuff they like and who they are (or whatever ppl talk about on their first dates) and totally vibing and flirting and then doing something totally wholesome/awesome at the end of the date.
There should also be a twist of some kind to make it interesting. Maybe some hints suggesting that Lina has some subtle super power too, like installing confidence in others, but it comes off naturally to her, and we kind of learn about her maybe-power via their conversation. And then you can have a moment where MC is like, 'oh, so this date is happening b/c of your superpower' and feels bad, but then decides that even if she's kind of manipulating/helping him, it's okay coz now he feels more courageous now.
And then, they teleport to Paris (oh, maybe that's what they're talking about --- traveling to romantic places + MC saying that he uses time stop whenever he freaks out + they're flirting with each other all the time) It turns out that teleporting is Lina's real super power and not the mindfucking. And then the story ends with MC saying smth like 'wait, so can I move while time is stopped? or was it you moving me around the bank?' and Lina shrugs, saying 'I don't know. But let's hope we don't have to figure it out tonight. Would be pretty awkward, you know...'

'Know what? What are we doing tonight?'

'Really?" She narrows her eyes. "I mean, really?'

I smile. 'Just kidding.'

I think an ending like would work well, given their personalities.

* Tbh, all positive replies are the best :)

4

CaffinatedPanda t1_j1uwkec wrote

I greatly enjoyed it, but the way he described 'looking behind' at Lina and then letting time flow again when he stops in front of her? I thought he got shot anyway in a touching 'Protag gets the girl but fucks it up in the process. Still saves her though' kind of way.

Either ending is good though! I liked it a lot :)

4

ZwhoWrites t1_j1uyd8p wrote

hah. Good catch!Yeah, you're right. It seems like the bullet should have hit him. Should have clarified that by adding a sentence where he moves the bullet so it doesn't hit anyone.Thanks for the comment!
EDIT:
Other ppl made similar comments so I edited a sentence. Edited sentence now reads:
"I walk back across the room, poking with my finger the time-frozen bullet so it aims to the ceiling, then stop in front of Lina."

3

xXTheDarkOneXx_ t1_j1uuz9f wrote

You’ve gotta be the best at replies ever, I do love the whole idea of it and what you said at the end of the reply was a pretty spicy and satisfying ending to it ngl, if you would prefer, you could make this a short story somewhere (I’m sure there’s a subreddit somewhere lol). Of course, do it in your own time and if you would prefer to leave it that’s fine too. I look forward to some more of your writing :)

2