For a second, I wondered if somebody was pranking me, but that didn't seem possible. My wife wasn't the type to play pranks on me and our son was at college the next city over. And then my mind drifted towards the fact that I didn't even remember having a son or what my wife was named. I groaned as I made my way to the bathroom--it was going to be a long day.

Suddenly, my wife poked her head out of the bedroom and asked, "Everything okay, hon?"

I glanced back and replied, "Yeah, yeah, everything's good, honey. I just had a bit of a kink in my neck."

"Aw, I'm sorry. You want a massage later? Would that help?"

"Thank you, but I'm okay. Oh, and good morning."

"Good morning to you too."

With our chat out of the way, I entered the bathroom and did my business. At the same time, I thought about how I could figure out if everything around me was fake, what question I could ask my wife to prove my life had been fabricated. Once I finished up and started washing my hands, I looked in the mirror and gazed down at my bare chest. It wasn't Bachelor-worthy or anything, but it was definitely proof I'd kept in shape over the years.

It made me want to vomit. Something about it just set off alarm bells in my head, and I didn't know why. I couldn't tell if it was too bare, too empty, too flat, too--wait.

Flat. That was the issue. And the minute I realized that, I remembered who I really was.

Suddenly, a sharp, throbbing pain in my head sent me to the ground. Everything around me seemed to be getting more intense; the glare of the lights, the coldness of the tile, the sound of the pipes. But it wouldn't work this time now that I knew who I was and what I was capable of.

I reached out into the space in front of me and concentrated. The pain seemed to be getting more intense, but pain never stopped me much anyway. Suddenly, I could feel it: glass. With a grin, I wound up and let loose the strongest punch I could muster.

In an instant, I wasn't in a house anymore. I was laying in a puddle of strange green liquid with bits of broken glass mixed in. As I gathered my bearings and looked down at myself, my grin came back with a vengeance. I was wearing a pink and dark blue costume filled out with bodybuilder-grade muscles and, best of all, motherfucking breasts. The bitch was back.

"No no NO!!" I turned to my right to see a woman in a lab coat and gas mask pointing some kind of gun at me. "How did you get out?! That simulation was four months worth of work!!"

I made a show of flexing as I responded, "Look on the bright side, Critical: you've got front row seats to the Koroleva comeback tour!" I held out my hand. A bolt of lightning appeared and transformed into a war hammer. "And audiences everywhere agree: it's a smash hit!"

Critical opened fire on me as I charged. The laser blasts hit my skin to no avail, a feeling I savored after being stuck in a place where I couldn't have that. I went in for a thrust at Critical's midsection, prompting her to summon a forcefield around that area. At the last minute however, I quickly swung the hammer away and into the ground, sending the both of us plummeting to the level below.

I landed on my feet while Critical wasn't quite so lucky, landing on a table hard enough to break it in half. As she tried to get back up, I lifted her off the ground and growled, "Now, let's have a chat about you sticking me in a simulation where you made me think I was still a man."

Critical, unbothered, pressed a button on her wristwatch, at which point the same pain that happened in the simulation came back, only about ten times stronger. As I collapsed to the ground screaming, Critical ripped off her gas mask to reveal the murderously joyful expression on her face. "Get this through your thick, bulletproof head! You are a man and you always will be! And I won't rest until every perverted crossdresser like you and every traitor like that little shit Repertoire is dead or enlightened! I will save the...s-save the...future of--"

Critical looked down to see an arm sticking through her chest before abruptly collapsing in the middle of her speech. As I regained my bearings, I saw a woman with a pale blue costume and full facemask that let her long black hair flow freely. Gwisin--my actual wife. Gwisin took her mask off and happily cried out, "Koro!"

"Spooky!" I immediately pulled Gwisin off the ground and kissed her deeply. Once we broke apart, Gwisin shifted positions so that I was bridal carrying her and nuzzled into me. "I missed you like crazy, hon."

"Mmm, I missed you more."

"Bullshit, you didn't even remember I was your wife until like three minutes ago!"

"Yeah, but it was a really intense three minutes! Quality over quantity, right?"

Gwisin giggled and kissed me on the cheek. "Let's agree to disagree so we can get Critical in a cell quicker and we can start making up for lost time."

"Fine by me." As Gwisin levitated Critical off the ground and I started making my way out of the lair, Gwisin asked, "By the way, how'd you break out of the simulation?"

I smiled. "I realized that there was something important from my life that wasn't there anymore."

"You wanted your tits back, didn't you?"

I shrugged and responded, "Yeah, I wanted my tits back."

Gwisin gave my chest a playful squeeze. "Well, they are fantastic."

"Aren't they?"