Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

Writteninsanity t1_j5hgl5o wrote

The smell of spilled whiskey was the first and only thing to greet me as I pulled open the door to the Alibi. A textbook dive, the splintered tables of the bar were full, but nobody looked toward me as I tapped the bottom of my boots in the entryway.

The lack of turned heads was a point of pride in the Alibi. It felt private no matter how busy it was. When you were inside the Alibi, your business was your business, and if someone overheard your conversation, no they didn't.

The barkeep, a hammerhead of a woman named Sasha, clocked me in the doorway but didn't offer a nod. In fact, she didn't offer me anything; instead, Sasha stared at me with careful disinterest for a moment before returning to the drink she was pouring.

Maybe it was better that people were ignoring me here. I doubted I would have been good attention.

The bar top of the Alibi was scratched from a million slid glasses and a thousand knives. Years ago, they attempted to re-lacquer the thing, but the regulars said it'd killed the charm. Within a week, it was back to a scratched wooden mess threatening to stab any hand that rested on it.

I sat down at the bar, pulling out one of the few unused stools. As I sat down a behemoth of a man to my right pulled his chair away from me, and closer to the ear of the people he was whispering to.

Sasha ignored me for a moment, but then I held up two fingers to order a drink and made it clear that I was looking for her. I watched her sigh and turn her attention to another customer.

My phone buzzed in my pocket again. It had been ringing off the hook all evening, not that it had a hook; it was a cell phone.

I would answer it eventually.

Sasha finished pouring the neat whiskey for the woman to my right and finally, out of plausible deniability, turned to me. "Detective," she opened, somehow making the title sound like a curse.

"Evening Sasha," I said with a nod, ignoring the tone she'd used, "how's Rod?"

"S'fine," she answered, "what are you drinking?"

I considered it for a moment, "A Mojito." The second I said it Sasha glared at me. Asking her to mash mint was my way of keeping her around. That and a mojito completely clashed with the atmosphere.

Then again, so did I.

"Coming right up," Sasha hissed before grabbing a glass from the bottom of the bar. She knew how it worked; she would start working on the drink, and then when she was trapped in front of me-

"Sasha, a question."

She grunted, which roughly translated to 'there it is.'

"Okay," I cut off our usual song and dance, "a favour then."

That got her to slow down the process of fake cleaning the glass.

"I need you to tell me the truth. Just this once."

Sasha snorted at that and then chuckled to herself. Once she'd finished,she looked up at me, waiting for a smile or anything to show that I was joking.

The core rule of the Alibi and the nexus of its success was that they would always offer an Alibi for you, no matter how many people came knocking on your door. As a detective I was the exact opposite of what Sasha wanted in here. She wanted people to feel safe when they were turning over a new leaf.

It was rough to admit, but these Ex-cons needed a haven away from officers with an axe to grind.

"Look, I'm not here on force business today," I explained. She didn't flinch, "I have two questions about a girl, and then I'll shut up and drink.

Sasha grabbed the white rum from the wall behind the bar but didn't comment.

"Hell, I'll leave a big tip too," I leaned it, "it's just two questions."

Sasha paused, then poured rum into the measuring cup. "You're desperate," she mused after a moment.

I didn't say anything. I just nodded.

Sasha stopped what she was doing and put the half-finished drink down in front of me. There were still several steps between me and mojito. "What'd you get yourself into?" she asked.

"Not me," I corrected; that finally got Sasha to raise her eyebrows and look at me with anything but disdain. "I'm looking for a girl."

"Oh yeah, saw her last week," Sasha answered before I'd explained any part of the question. She went to grab the half-finished drink, and I got my hand in the way.

"Sasha. She's going to get herself hurt."

"Well, it ain't gonna be here so-"

"I know she was here. I just need to know where she was going, Sasha," I explained, "just this-" I stopped, "I'll stop coming here. You'll never get another call from me about a case."

Sasha cocked her head slightly, and her tight bun flopped a moment later.

"Sasha. Please."

Sasha put her hands on her hips and then turned to the back of the bar to find the beer she'd been likely nursing for the better part of the last two hours. Once she'd taken a proper gulp of it, she crouched in front of me. She'd scanned my face enough times that I was sure she wouldn't find anything new.

"Just one question," I negotiated.

Sasha took a deep breath. "Fine. Shoot."

"You saw an Asian girl here. Her name was Carly, would have been with two other girls, all three with black hair."

"Yeah. There's your question."

"That was a statement," I corrected, trying to keep the current dynamic instead of slipping into the old one. "The question is, did they say where they were going?"

Sasha took another sip of her drink. "You said this ain't for work?"

I nodded.

"Why'd'ya care so much."

It was my turn to sigh. I reached and grabbed the half-finished drink, taking a sip of the odd mix of white rum and soda water. "She's my sister."

Sasha frowned.

"And she's in bad, and I don't know how to help her so-" I laid my land on the counter. "Came to someone I could trust."

Sasha stood up, looked both ways and then took a deep breath, "You're killing me, detective."

"I know."

"They were talking about Wharburtons," she answered as she leaned in to ensure that nobody heard her breaking the one rule of Alibi. "Don't know what about, but they're bad news."

I tossed a twenty on the table and stood up. A breath later, I tossed a second one on top of it. There was silence for a moment between us, and it felt like the bar had quieted down too.

"Fuck you and your stupid rules," I hissed overly loud, ensuring that the surrounding patrons heard me.

"Get fucked, Detective," she shouted back. She pointed to the door, but I was leaving anyway.

I couldn't risk turning around to say it, but I hoped she understood that I mouthed 'thank you' as I left.


/r/Jacksonwrites all that jazz

1,781

MechisX t1_j5ic1g5 wrote

This bar needs to be world building prompt of its own.

There was a series of stories around a bar that exited outside of time and space.

It has 13 corners and all of them were dark.

The bartender always new what you wanted before you could even ask for it.

Many fictions from many realities passed thru the place.

The Alibi fits into this world or one like it very well. :)

501

unitedairforce1 t1_j5ip4ug wrote

Sounds like "Bar Karma" from years ago, good premise, don't remember how the show was

51

Kittybats t1_j5jwl0v wrote

Well, the "outside of time and space" kinda sounds like "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe" from the Hitchhiker's Guide series, but it's not really a series on its own.

There's "Callahan's Crosstime Saloon," by Spider Robinson, but the tone of CCS is way different, and no 13 corners. That sounds like something from Richard Kadrey's "Sandman Slim" series.

30

Thubanshee t1_j5iutoy wrote

I feel like I’ve read several stories about bars like that. Sometimes they’re cafes. I love the trope!

27

Th3Glutt0n t1_j5jbg7c wrote

Well I'm already stealing it for a campaign, but this will be a nice plot twist to throw in

11

jayofdoom t1_j5kf26j wrote

The Captain's Table series of Star Trek books literally follow this theme. A bar outside of time and space where the captains go, and the books consist of the stories the captain tells the barkeep.

6

subtxtcan t1_j5ki7cw wrote

I was absolutely thinking this. I play some ttrpgs with friends and I honestly think you could build SO many great storylines out of this. There is almost nothing I can think of that you wouldn't be able to weave into the history of the place...

3

a8bmiles t1_j5lpyuh wrote

A Thieves' World-esque type of anthology set around this bar would be amazing.

3

notabotiamnot t1_j5lttx9 wrote

Do you remember what that series of stories was called?

3

MechisX t1_j5mmaeo wrote

Sadly no and it has been eating at my brain. :/

1

Rutagerr t1_j5lxp3r wrote

Many fictions from many realities - I really, really like this line.

1

FlannerHammer t1_j5i1ftx wrote

I loved the atmosphere you made here, I could see and smell this dirty, dingy bar.

68

krlidb t1_j5iey16 wrote

Holy shit, I haven't seen your name in forever. You wrote tik tok! One of the first ones here on reddit that got me into serialized writing. I need to go back and reread that one....

17

Writteninsanity t1_j5ifh1w wrote

That’s me!

9

AcademicChance2678 t1_j5nf472 wrote

Oh what's your tiktok username

1

Writteninsanity t1_j5nl4xh wrote

We in the business call this a branding problem. Since my biggest serial release, a certain company released an app with the same name. The app did pretty well.

I don't have a tiktok. I have a Tik Tok, very different.

4

SilasCrane t1_j5j643t wrote

I really liked this story, especially the Sam Spadey-ness of the narration. In my head canon, Sasha is literally an anthropomorphic hammerhead shark woman, I can't picture her any other way.

13

Kittybats t1_j5jviy1 wrote

This is really good! I loved the little world building details--the scarred bar top, the phone "ringing off the hook" (clever!) in the detective's pocket--and the characterization was top-notch; just a thumbnail sketch but also so much more.

It made me say the 4 words that mean the story is a good story...

"and then what happened?"

9

AstroProoper t1_j5j9lyq wrote

Vibe feels like I could have seen it in disco elysium. Love it.

8

aeonax t1_j5iu6wt wrote

If anyone's interested in inn related stories. May i suggest TheWanderingInn by pirateaba? Its got Smooth Dressed Criminals, Time Travel, Cute Sheeps, Eldritch Horrors, Magic, Lots of Kingdoms and separate continents, 2 Moons, Skyrim/Naruto references, Various Races including Ant people. Aliens and Dragons. Also an Inn connected to all this stuff.

Its got a massive world building. With detailed character development.

7

Firenter t1_j5j0eds wrote

I should really get back to it, thanks for reminding me!

3

aeonax t1_j5j0yv5 wrote

Yup, where did you stop?

3

Firenter t1_j5j2izp wrote

It's been a good while and I remember several storylines at the same time, and I'm not even sure which one was the last I was on

  • Our favourite goblin lass leading an army of sensible goblins
  • A blind man slowly gathering more support
  • An old king trying to reconquer his lost land
  • Wizards exploring ruins
3

aeonax t1_j5j2t1s wrote

Ask in its dedicated subreddit if you are not able to find yourself

1

TheGurw t1_j5jco92 wrote

That.... That's either a very long time ago or very recent.

But you didn't mention an extremely extremely big arc, so I'm gonna go with "a few years ago".

>!If you don't remember the MC dying, you're quite a ways back, my friend!<

1

aeonax t1_j5mmjs0 wrote

Lol remove that spoiler line. Its too strong to be hidden behind once click maybe say one of the earlier earthers or something

1

TheGurw t1_j5pdkdy wrote

>!It's okay, she got better!<

I do what I want!

1

adambrashear t1_j5lmwx3 wrote

Holy shit I was not expecting to see one of my favorite stories here. I really should go back to reading it

1

duskywulf t1_j5vuuk4 wrote

detailed cg=haracter development.. did we read the same thing? thee wandering inn I read was frankly a convoluted mess whose plots or characters didn't make sense.

1

aeonax t1_j5wzwcq wrote

Yes. Its not for everyone. One should be able to keep the various story threads going on in mind. The 1st volume is a bit rocky. Since that was the authors first volume. They are rewriting it.

If you don't actually like it when you have reached volume 4-5.. Better to drop than continue.

I like it best for its hair raising moments. which are foreshadowed.

1

Just_A_Weasel t1_j5ill0v wrote

This is the second post I've seen you on, nice writing dude :D

3

icychill4 t1_j5k875v wrote

Wow, I really want to know what happens next!!

Great work

3

Writteninsanity t1_j5kcjsy wrote

Thanks!

For what it matters, there isn't going to be a follow-up to this one. The central tension set up is Alibi needing to break its one rule, the framing of the story could have been about anything as long as that was the central drama.

Now that the drama is solved, I would be changing the theme of the story to move to 'the mystery' as the central tension, which is fine but wasn't the intent here. Gotta love the writing stuff.

11

icychill4 t1_j5kd63k wrote

Oh man, I respect your decision to not have a follow up.. but it's going to be another writing prompt post that I'll be up late at night thinking about and trying to complete in my head 😅

You're very talented..

5

Stadnykgeoff1 t1_j5lw1co wrote

Dig this writing. I was sitting somewhere in the back of The Alibi as I read this.

1

Spriggan_42 t1_j5ohrtm wrote

Amazing story, well-crafted with a quick to grasp intrigue that still manages to leave you hooked.

Thanks for writing this terrific story!

1