Submitted by AliciaWrites t3_10m0cja in WritingPrompts
London-Roma-1980 t1_j60g4l7 wrote
[Poem]
Before the throng I soon will stand,
Then forced to kneel with both hands bound.
There I shall wait until as planned
They hear the awful slicing sound.
What brought me here, you dare to ask?
What makes them do this awful thing?
I'm here for failing at his task;
I'm here for questioning the king.
An oath was taken, it was broken,
All of us were to forget
That such a claim was ever spoken
Lest a challenge we regret.
But know his rule is of the earth,
His power weak to the divine.
He overestimates his worth
His sentence nothing next to Thine.
My oath was to uphold His truth,
Against all who would test its might
I knew from when I was a youth
That power did not make you right.
I stood before the king and court
And told him of his oath before.
"Your fealty", he did retort,
"To I who run your life means more!
"Tis I who with a single word,
Can choose your future -- death or life.
And yet what is this I have heard
Of sympathy for my ex-wife?"
"Your Highness," I had calmly stated
As I stood before the crown,
"This charade shall not be aided
By my ministry renown.
"When you spoke upon the altar,
You pledged love and loyalty;
Just because your eyes have faltered
Means not from that pledge you're free.
"I have counseled by your side
Every time you deigned to ask.
You know I would never hide
Or shirk from any royal task.
"But here my conscience and my mission
Cannot help but intersect.
I don't support your blind ambition
When from my God you would defect!"
Anger poured out from the throne;
Integrity in him doth wilt.
"Since your treason is now known,
I hereby proclaim your guilt!"
My future does not give me worry,
For I can't control my fate.
It is sealed inside the fury
Of an ego run by hate.
Man has now declared it treason,
Put the sentence on my head.
I go to where there is no season;
I go to where there is no dread.
Here inside my final room
I face tonight my final rest.
Before you lay me in the tomb,
I write down this last request...
O man in Black, a hood for cover,
Swear you'll treat me like no other.
As I give my neck to you,
May your blade be swift and true.
Send me to the Judge of All,
He whose Kingdom shall not fall.
And as your king protects his pride,
I ask that I not leave his side.
So in his room display my head
And let him then enjoy his bed.
NicomacheanOrc t1_j61ubm0 wrote
Those last two lines.
sevenseassaurus t1_j6783sc wrote
Excellent poem! I hope to hear some pride in it at campfire ;)
There were one or two awkward lines here:
"To I who run your life means more!"
"Means not from that pledge you're free."
...I wish I had suggestions for how to massage these out, but I don't, which honestly probably explains why they're written the way they are. Still something to consider because I did have to pause and reread a few times to get the meaning and rhythm there.
My only other crit is a tiny thing; the first two lines of the second-to-last stanza both use the word "final"--this is just a tad too repetitive in my opinion.
As NicomacheanOrc pointed out, the last two lines are brilliant and hard-hitting. Fantastic work, keep writing!
Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments