I couldn’t tell if this was a punishment.

Common sense, reliving the same moment would drive me to insanity, if it hasn’t already.

The worse part of all of this is knowing that my actions would only benefit myself, the guilt I feel already by even considering this is already eating me alive- if that wasn’t the purpose in the first place.

Days could go on and nothing would change. A nightmare or a dream, relived, over and over.

It is in our human nature… to get bored.

All of these alternate endings I already know, only for it to start up the next day.

Knowing that my future was the same as my present and that the past only meant more options for the doom that awaits me.

To hurt people in exchange to see things in a new light, to have a possibility of change in this nightmare cycle, might even make it worth it.

Would god understand that I chose myself over the greater good?

Learning ways to go against what society has taught me over the years?

Already acknowledged wrong from right, and being told all of the consequences.

Hearing her voice over in over, the atmosphere matching her sobs as I left the alter.

Her white wedding dress, the patterns I have memorized.

Every time a new moment to overthink, to see her face stained in grieve, as I knew I had to make a decision I never wanted to make.

Perhaps, I am a bad person already, and this is my permanent purgatory.

Though, am offered a chance. A possibility of a cruel escape, the only escape.

A day more and I would be sure to seal my fate, a ending I can prevent.

The hand of chance being outstretched to me is blurry,

and the answer is as clear as the stained glass was, glistening and sparkling in the light from that regretful day.