FartsicleJr t1_j5o1fyl wrote on January 24, 2023 at 10:54 AM

I've stared at the whiskey bottle on my desk for hours. It's slowly lost its volume as I've whirled down the rabbit hole of my mind.

Vampires are real.

My daughter's an idiot.

The Indian reservation down the road is just a bunch of furries.

It's not 1998 anymore. I can't just call Wesley Snipes and have him do his whole katana routine. This is a real problem that I have to face.

I've got half the whiskey left to figure this out. I rack my brain across all the Hollywood lore I can think of. Discarding the most outlandish of the solutions. I'm not as spry as I used to be. Fighting mutants with a sharp stick probably isn't my best bet.

Can a man who doesn't believe in God get away with using holy water I muse. Probably not.

Silver bullets maybe? I eye the shotgun on the table next to the whiskey bottle. Maybe grandma's gravy boat can be melted down into something useful after all?

I put the melted gravy boat in the maybe column and move on to other strategies.

George_WL_ OP t1_j5o4and wrote on January 24, 2023 at 11:30 AM

I'm loving this so far, can have more?

FartsicleJr t1_j5s8nbb wrote on January 25, 2023 at 4:50 AM

I wish I could go on, unfortunately I feel like I wouldn't do real justice with my lack of this established universes knowledge. Though I'm proud to say I don't know a whole lot about twilight.

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Commander_Night_17 t1_j5jr9rk wrote on January 23, 2023 at 2:39 PM

Poor sheriff Harper

What terrible ass luck for him

George_WL_ OP t1_j5k9c3n wrote on January 23, 2023 at 4:40 PM

Yeah like, Twilight Saga from his POV is a tragedy about his daughter ending up in a relationship with a creepy guy

[EU] It started out as a regular day in my job as a cop, then I find out my daughter joined some sort of cult and that vampires are real (and SPARKLE for some reason) and werewolves are real!

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