Could be they are just badly written characters, you become insecure while reading the women characters or you don’t like how fake a lot of the world is so you hate it in books and the men characters you read tend to be more “idgaf”.

I saw you like horror and gore so reading about the ugliness in humanity sounds like the reason you prefer men characters. The majority of women characters that I have found are heroes or victims and if they’re villains they’re usually just petty or not too evil. Note: I don’t read a lot of books on women villains so this is strictly my opinion.

But I’m sure there are plenty of books with lead women that are in your genre. I would recommend some but don’t read horror much besides gothic type (think Mexican Gothic, which is written by a woman with lead woman) and that probably doesn’t have enough gore for you.