This reminds me, I need to hire a caligrapher to write the following message into 100 Valentine's Day cards:

> Dear Sir or Madam,
>
> We’ve never met, but I need you to know that I’m in jail on a far-away military oil rig, I’ve found some gold that I can teach you to invest, and I need your private pictures to bribe the guards so I can escape, deliver the gold, and we can get married.